


Hold Me Close

by Thatonetheatrephan



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Lesbian, Mild Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-02-29 07:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 24,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatonetheatrephan/pseuds/Thatonetheatrephan
Summary: A year after the USO tour and everyone has there own lives. Beca is in Los Angles and stuck in a toxic relationship. Chloe is in Vet school in New York. So much can change in a year. Can Beca and Chloe finally give in to their feelings for each other?





	1. Scared

TRIGGER WARNING: Drinking, slight abuse

 

 

BECA

I sat at my computer in my and Jesse's apartment. It had been a year after the USO tour. Jesse and I got back together. We had an apartment in LA now. I miss the Bellas. We still talk from time to time. Amy is somewhere knowing who knows what. Flo was busy running her business. Lily was doing who knows what. Aubrey was learning how to be a midwife. Chloe was in Vet School. I sat at my computer waiting for Jesse to come home from work. We had a tiny studio apartment. I checked my phone for the millionth time. Still nothing from Jesse. He would tell me if he was going to be home late. Whatever. I went to bed I had work the next day. I woke up to the sound of grumbling. Jesse was home and he was drunk. Great. Jesse was aggressive when he was really drunk. I got up out of bed and went to make sure he didn't break anything or hurt himself.

"Jesse?"

"Whatthehelldoyouwant?" he slurred.

"Just here to help..." I responded.

He grabbed my arm and made me look at him. This was the worst part of his drunkenness. "I don't need your help," he said before he shoved me away. I rubbed my arm where he held me. Don't let him get to you. Don't do it.

"I was just trying to be a good person"

"Why?" he scoffed "You're always going to be a worthless bitch."

I bit my lip.  _It's okay. He doesn't mean it._  I told my self. He stumbled off to the bedroom. I went back to my computer. At least I got some sleep I guess. Tomorrow will be better. I hope. Just keep your head down and don't say more than you have too. And make sure you have coffee. 

CHLOE

I sat at the table of my apartment that I shared with Aubrey. Chicago and I had just finished video chatting. It was nice but I wish he was here. I wish It was all of the Bellas in one place too.

"Stop thinking so hard," Aubrey said

"Sorry."

"What were you thinking about anyway?" Aubrey said putting a cup of coffee in front of me. It was 6:00 am and we both had places to be.

"How much I miss everyone."

"I miss them too Chloe. Maybe we all try to meet up?"

"You mean like a reunion?"

"Exactly like a reunion. Why don't you message everyone and I start looking at where to go?"

"Alright. Except I'll probably have to message them when they are actually awake Aubrey. It's like 3 am in LA."

"And Beca's an insomniac. She'll be up. Besides. You always put off messaging her."

"Yeah but I don't-"

Aubrey cut me off. "Don't want to accidentally admit your feelings for her?"

"That's not." Shut up."

"Only if you message her."

"Fine," I said pulling out my phone. I wouldn't message her till the morning when I was certain she'd be awake. 

BECA

At about noon I got a text from Chloe. It was 3 pm in New York.

**Chloe: Hey Beca!! Aubrey and I were wondering when you were free!! We are trying to find time for all of us Bellas to see each other again!!! Let me know. Love ya❤**

**Me: yo Chloe. I would love to see all of the Bellas again. I have no clue when I'm free cuz my job and Jesse's job and cuz I don't want Jesse mad at me so.**

**Chloe: I totally understand. Just let me know when you do okay ❤**

**Me: Ok.**

Great. I really do want to see the Bellas but I don't want Jesse mad at me...I mean. I can work from anywhere as long as I have my laptop. Fuck it. I deserve to see my friends.

 **Me: I'm free literally whenever. Keep me in the loop and I can get some nice hotel rooms wherever**   **we go.**

There. It's done. Shit. Jesse's going to be so mad.

**Chloe: How does San Diego sound? And in 3 weeks?**

**Me: Sounds like a plan. How many rooms should I book?**

**Chloe: 7. Stacie, Lilly, Jessica, and Ashley can't come.**

**Me: Ok. See you in a few weeks.**

**Chloe: Yup I can't wait!!!**

I anxiously waited for Jesse to get home. He wasn't drunk but he was still mad like always. "Hey, Jesse. I uh I'm going on a trip in a few weeks to San Diego. Okay?"

"Ok. When and what do I need to pack?"

"No uh, Jesse its uh just me. It's uh just some press stuff..." I could see the fire in his eyes. I started to get scared. Shit. 


	2. San Diego

TRIGGER WARNING: Drinking.

 

CHLOE

The day had finally come. We were all meeting in San Diego. Aubrey and I were on our flight across the country. To see all of our friends! Once we landed we made our way to the hotel where everyone else was. Beca was at the front desk talking, more like yelling at, the woman at the desk. All the other Bellas were standing and waiting around.

"There should be 7 rooms!" Beca yelled. I walked up behind her.

"Ma'am if you would be so kind as to-"

"I booked 7 rooms and you say I only booked 6."

I spoke up. Beca was obviously stressed. " Beca it's fine. We're here to relax. Someone will just have to share. I don't think any of us will mind right?" I turned to the other girls for reassurance. They all nodded and gave various versions of yeses.

"Fine." She played with the sleeve of her jacket. Why she was wearing a jacket in the warm California weather I have no clue. We passed out room keys. Somehow Beca and I were the ones who ended up sharing a room. I don't mind. Maybe I can actually be able to have a normal conversation with her now. I'm concerned for her. She doesn't seem like herself. We went up to the room. There were one bed and a couch in the room.

"I'll take the couch," Beca said almost immediately.

"You sure? I don't mind."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay." She set her duffel bag by the couch and I set my suitcase on the bed. "How have you been?"

Beca laughed. "That's how we're going to do this? I haven't seen you in a year and you ask me how I've been?"

"Well. Yeah."

BECA

We went to a bar. Obviously. Well, Multiple bars. And clubs. I was so drunk by the 4th place. Amy wanted to keep going. By the time we were finally headed back to the hotel, the only sober people were Chloe, Aubrey, and Emily. Chloe was pretty much keeping me from falling over. My long forgotten heels in my hand. Once we were in the hall of our rooms I whispered to Chole "Imma show you somethin okaaaay?"

"Uh huh. You can show me when we get in the room okay?"

"Okay..." Chloe unlocked the door of our room and helped me over to the bed.

"What did you want to show me?" she said

I shrugged off my hoodie exposing the bruises and scars on my arms.

"What happened?" Chloe asked gently.

"Jessegetsdrunkandmad" I slurred.

"He hits you?"

"Sometimes," I said laying down on the bed.

"Beca..."

"He didn't want me to come. He was mad." I had no control over what I was saying. "I'm scared Chloe."

"Why don't You leave him Bec?"

"Because I'm scared he'll hurt me more."

"Why didn't you tell us? Or at least me?"

"Cuz then you would get hurt." I looked her straight in the eyes. Her bright blue ones looking right back. They were so kind and beautiful just like her. She put a hand on my cheek. I wanted so badly to lean in and close the space in between us. I leaned in slightly...before I threw up into her lap. Good going Beca. 


	3. Late Nights

TRIGGER WARNING: None

 

 

CHLOE

I helped a very drunk Beca into pajamas before I went and cleaned the vomit off of my dress. And changing into pajamas myself. I had put Beca in the one bed so I would be taking the couch tonight. When I left the bedroom Beca was playing with a chain around her neck. She looked like she felt better.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked. She jumped at the sound of my voice and shoved the chain into her shirt. She didn't have it on earlier. What is it and why is she hiding it?

"N-nothing," she responded. I looked at her deep blue eyes. They weren't as glassy as they were earlier. Beca never got too drunk. Or at least not when I'm there.

"What's on the chain?"

"You a de-tec-tive now?" She said she was still drunk obviously.

"Yup," I said sitting on the bed by her. I put my hand on hers in a reassuring way. "You know you can tell me anything."

She looked into my eyes for a solid minute. I could see the gears in her head turning thinking if she can tell me this. She pulled the chain from out of her shirt. There was a beautiful diamond ring on the chain.

"It's beautiful Bec."

"No, it's not."

"Why not?"

"Jesse proposed to me with it."

I was taken aback. Jesse proposed to Beca. I didn't know how to respond. I wanted to be happy for her but I couldn't. I loved Beca. But she was trapped and I couldn't help her.

BECA

I watched the light leave her eyes for a second.

"You only said yes out of fear huh?" She asked. I only nodded. I hated that I was so weak. Chloe pulled me into a hug. I breathed in her scent. She always smelled of Carmel and vanilla. It was comforting. Eventually, I pulled away from her embrace. I pulled myself off of the bed and went over to the couch.

"Good night Chloe," I said.

"Beca..." she trailed off she could tell I didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Good night."

We went to sleep. Correction. Chloe went to sleep. I laid on the couch alone with my thoughts. I couldn't pull out my laptop and work because I didn't want to disturb Chloe. Eventually, I grabbed my laptop and went down to the lobby of our hotel. There were tables that people use for breakfast in the morning. I sat at one of the tables and worked for a bit. Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I expected it to be one of the hotel staff. When I looked at the person I was greeted by the one and only Aubrey Posen.

"Oh. Hey." I said. I was no longer drunk. Granted I was never really all that drunk.

"What are you doing down here?" she asked sitting across from me.

"Couldn't sleep. Didn't want to disturb Chloe with laptop light. What are you doing?"

"Couldn't sleep either," She looked deep into my eyes.

"You're kinda freaking me out, dude."

"How long has it been since you slept?"

I shrugged. "You're not my mom or my doctor."

"But I want to help Beca."

"I don't need your help"

CHLOE

I heard Beca leave the room. I was really worried about her. I knew better than to follow her though. So I did the next best thing. I got Aubrey to do it for me. After a while, I heard the door open. I opened my eyes just enough to see my favorite brunette walk back into the room. The moon reflecting off of her pale skin. She went and laid back down on the couch. I closed my eyes. The next time I opened them, sunlight was streaming in through the window. I looked around the room, there was no sign of Beca. There was, however, a waffle and a cup of coffee on the desk with a note that read "Chloe. Sorry if this is cold when you wake up." I smiled to myself. That's when I heard her. She was in the shower. I could hear her singing faintly. I smiled as I listen to her sing

"My favorite color is you. Your vibrating out of my frequency. My favorite color is you. You keep me young and that's how I wanna be." I loved listening to her sing. I missed hearing her voice. I mean occasionally one of her songs play on the radio but there's a difference in her voice. I hear it. I just wish everyone else could hear her like this too. After a while, she turned off the water and came out of the bathroom. She was in black skinny jeans, a black low cut t-shirt, and a blue flannel. The blue of the flannel made her eyes pop.

"Morning. Was it cold when you woke up?" she asked nodding her head towards the now half-eaten waffle and empty coffee cup.

"Not really. It was fine. How'd you sleep?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Same old same old."

"So you didn't sleep at all?"

She looked at the floor like a puppy who was caught doing something naughty. "Sorry"

"You have nothing to be sorry for." after a second I added "Next time. Wake me up too."   
  
  


**_*The song Beca is singing is the bridge from "Sober Up" by the band AJR*_ **


	4. Panic

TRIGGER WARNING: Panic attack, Verbal abuse

 

 

BECA

All of us Bellas who were at this reunion thing went to the San Diego Zoo. It was late spring so there wasn't like hoards of families there. There were still a couple of schools there on field trips and some other tourists but other than that it was pretty empty.

"Alright Bellas," Aubrey said, "Let's use the buddy system so that nobody gets lost."

"That seems a little excessive." I retorted earning a nudge from Chloe.

"Be nice," she whispered.

I rolled my eyes. I was trying to use moodiness as a way to hide my paranoia. I didn't tell Chloe the full story last night. Jesse got mad because I told him I was going to San Diego to do some press. When he said he would come too I told him no. I don't want the paparazzi to be here, to take pictures, to have Jesse find out I lied. I don't know how long I had spaced out for. I tuned back into reality to see Chloe waving her hand in front of my face.

"Earth to Beca."

"What? Sorry. I was spaced out," I looked around the rest of the Bellas had walked off. "Where'd everyone go?"

"Chose their buddy and went exploring. You're my buddy!" She smiled.

"Great," I replied in monotone. Chole grabbed my hand and started dragging me around the zoo. That's when it started pouring rain. "You've got to be kidding me." I muttered

"Come on Beca! Don't be such a grump!" Chloe said pushing her red hair from her face. She pulled me into a nearby store. I slipped and started to fall. She caught me. We were so close. I looked up at her eyes mine eyes meeting hers. I could feel my cheeks getting red. Then there was a flash. I pulled myself off of her now even more paranoid. Was that a camera or lightning? I started to panic.

CHLOE

What was with Beca today? As soon as she saw the flash, she started to panic. She pulled herself away from me and started pacing around the store. She ran both of her hands through her hair it was one of her nervous ticks.

"Beca," she didn't hear me so I tried again a little louder. "Beca."

"What?!?" She snapped. I knew she didn't mean it.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not okay! Nothing about this is okay!"

"Beca. You need to calm down." I grabbed her hands in fear of her slipping and hurting herself. There was another flash and I could she Beca become even more panicked. I walked her back deeper into the store farther away from the windows. There really wasn't anyone else in there. After a little while, the rain had eased enough for us to leave the store. Beca was still panicking. I was still holding her hand, my thumb rubbing it in a reassuring way. I looked around at the signs trying to find something that would help Beca focus on something else. I dragged her over to the red panda, it has always been her favorite animal.

"Beca. Look." I said nodding in the direction of the red panda that was looking directly at us. As she looked at the animal I could see her eyes brighten a little. I smiled. "It's looking right at you."

"I think it's looking at you." She responded

"If it is it's probably because it thinks we're like cousins or something." I looked over at Beca to see a smile tugging at her lips. I smiled at her. She waved to the red panda and it came over closer to her. Studying her. Another person walked up to the cage but I paid no attention to them. Then there was a flash of a camera and Beca started to freak.

BECA

Shit shit shit shit SHIT! Jesse was going to find out. FUCK! I was panicking in public. Shit. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I clawed at the area right below my collar bone. Everything was spinning.

"Beca?" I could hear Chloe talking but she sounded so far away. "Bec." I felt her wrap her arms around me and brought me down next to her on the ground. I started rocking back and forth. Chloe tightened her grip on me. My head was swimming.

"It's okay. Shhh. You're okay." Chloe said. Her voice was calm and soft. It made me feel safe. I started to calm down a little. Then there was another camera flash. Chloe held me closer. She took my hand that had been clawing the entire time and put it against her face.

"Beca. Look at me. Look. It's okay. You're okay."

"He's gonna hurt me," I said barely audibly.

"Nobody's gonna hurt you. I promise." She put her hand over where I had clawed. After a while, I calmed down. I felt lightheaded and all around terrible. I noticed that there was blood of Chloe's face where my hand was. I looked down and sure enough, the area where I had clawed was bleeding. Chloe had her hand there to help stop the bleeding.

"Fuck," I mumbled. My hands were shaking but I started buttoning up my flannel. Chloe moved her hand.

"Why don't we find everyone else?" I only nodded in response. Chloe helped me up. My legs felt like jello. Chloe wrapped her arms around me.

"Wait here okay?" She helped me onto a bench outside a gift shop. She came back a little while later with a stuffed red panda toy. She handed it to me.

"Something to squeeze." I basically started suffocating it. We walked back to the entrance of the zoo where the rest of the girls were waiting.

"Let's go."


	5. Sorry

TRIGGER WARNING: Verbal abuse.

 

 

CHLOE

I didn't take my eyes off of Beca for the entire trip back to the hotel. I had never seen her so panicked. She kept the red panda stuffed animal clutched against her chest. Aubrey looked at me with a 'what happened?' look. I shook my head in response. It wasn't my place to tell. When we got to the hotel, I helped Beca out of the car. She clung to me. She felt so small. So fragile. We got up to our room and she went into the bathroom. I followed her just to be safe. She unbuttoned her flannel exposing the four scratches where she had clawed. They were still bleeding slightly but not as bad as before.

"I'm sorry... " she said quietly refusing to meet my eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It happens." I replied wetting a washcloth to clean her wounds. I put the cloth on the scratches. Beca hissed in pain.

"Have you had panic attacks like this before?" I asked. She bit her lip and looked at the floor. "Beca. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was scared... "

"Of what?"

"I dunno... "

I had never seen Beca look so defeated. She looked like a little lost puppy. My heart broke for her. I was supposed to be her best friend. How come I had no idea she was having panic attacks? Or was in an abusive relationship? Was I just a terrible friend?

"What are you thinking about?" Beca asked quietly.

I raised my hand to set in on Beca's face so she would look at me. She flinched before my hand even touched her. I just pulled her into a hug.

"You."

BECA

I felt pathetic. I was terrified. I didn't know what was going to happen next. Some of the other Bellas went out to bars and clubs. I didn't go. Chloe didn't want to leave me alone. I told her that I needed to be alone. She agreed to go hang out with Aubrey and Emily in one of their rooms and to text her if I need her. I sat in the room with the lights off. I just sat there not really thinking about anything when my phone rang. I took one look at who was calling and began to feel the panic rise in me again. I took a deep breath before answering.

"Hey, Jesse. What's up?"

"What the fuck Beca." his voice was like needles being stuck into my ear.

"W-What?" Hide the fear Beca. Hide the fear.

"You fucking lied to me," he spat. I heard the sound of a beer bottle being smacked down on a counter. "You're a worthless bitch. You'll never amount to anything. You'll always be a failure."

"I'm sorry. I-I just thought-"

"No you didn't think!" his yelling made me shiver. "Get your ass back here."

"O-okay. I'll-I'll be back in a couple of days."

"No. YOu come back today."

"Jesse... "

"Today Beca." And with that, he hung up. No 'goodbye'. No 'I love you'. Just hung up. I was shaking badly. But I didn't want Jesse to be even madder. I threw my stuff into my back. I looked at the red panda Chloe got me. Would Jesse be mad if I brought it home? I figured he would. I left it on the bed and scribbled out a quick note. I was scared to leave but I was even more scared of what would happen if I didn't.

CHLOE

I understood that Beca wanted to be alone. I went to Aubrey's room and hung out with her and Emily. After a while, I went to check on Beca. When I opened the door to our room, the lights were off and Beca was nowhere in sight.

"Beca?" I said hoping for a response. Her stuff was gone. The red panda I had bought her was sitting on the bed along with a note. Her handwriting wasn't as good as it normally was. She must have been shaking when she wrote it. The note read 'Chloe, I'm sorry but I have to go. Jesse called and told me to come home. I'm really sorry. I hope you and the rest of the girls have a good week. I love you, awesome nerds. Bye. Beca Mitchell.' Damnit Beca! Why didn't you come to get me!?!? I went back to Aubrey's room. With the note in my pocket. I don't know when she left. She could already be home by now.

"How's Beca?" Emily asked.

"She left."

"Left to where?" Aubrey said.

"Back to L.A. Jesse called and told her to go home."

"But... " Emily started. She seemed to get what was happening and shut her mouth.

"How bad is it?" Aubrey asked me.

"I've never seen her like this before," I responded.

"How do we help?" Emily squeaked.

"I don't know if we can. She was drunk when she told me. Today wasn't her first panic attack... " I trailed off. I hurt too much. I love Beca. I wanted to help her. But she didn't want my help. Or if she did she didn't make it clear. I only want her safe and happy. I want her to be free of all of this shit that she has to deal with. I'll call her tomorrow. And just talk to her.


	6. Let Me In

TRIGGER WARNING: Panic attack, abuse. 

 

 

 

BECA

Jesse had it in for me when I got back. Everything hurt. I don't think I've ever hurt so much. Jesse was asleep in the bedroom and I was at our kitchen table on my laptop working. My phone started ringing. It was Chloe. Shit. I looked toward the bedroom. Jesse wouldn't be up for a while... she was probably just calling to make sure I got home okay right? I grabbed my phone and went outside onto the fire escape.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey, you okay?" Chloe asked. Her voice was calm and gentle. It made me feel safe.

"Yeah I'm fine," I didn't know what to say. I really wanted to tell her everything. But I couldn't.

"You don't have to pretend Beca. How bad was it when you got home?"

I sighed. "Real bad."

"Why don't you just leave him?"

"Because without him, I'm nothing. With him I'm nothing. I'd rather be nothing and with someone than nothing and alone." I ran my hand through my hair. I looked around to make sure no one was watching before pulling out the pack of cigarettes from my back pocket. I lit one and took a long draw of it.

"What are you doing?" Chloe asked.

"Just taking in the L.A. air."

"Okay...?" I knew she didn't believe me. Why should she? I blocked her from my life. I refused to let her in. Everyone who I let in either gets hurt or ends up hurting me. I can't let her get hurt. I was so lost in thought I didn't hear Jesse come up behind me. He took my phone.

"She's going to have to call you back." He said before ending the call.

CHLOE

"Beca? Beca? Ugh!!" I threw my phone onto Aubrey's bed. She was there for the whole conversation.

"What do you think is going to happen now?" Emily squeaked. All of the Bellas had gathered into Aubrey's room when they learned about Beca.

"I don't know," I said quietly.

"If he hurts her I swear I'll kill him." Fat Amy said.

"I don't think murder is a good idea," Aubrey responded.

Beca's words kept replaying in my head 'Without him, I'm nothing. With him I'm nothing'. Did she really feel like nothing? She's so amazing yet she can see it. I want to help. I really do. But her walls are built so high and I can't find a way in.

"Why don't we rescue her?" Aubrey said looking at me.

"How?"

"Get her away from Jesse. If he wants a fight he can fight but if we all work together then there's no way he can win." The Bellas looked around at each other. I bit my lip.

"I'm in. Beca doesn't deserve what's happening to her." Cynthia Rose said sparking everyone else to agree.

"Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go." Aubrey said.

"We don't even know where she lives," I responded. I wanted to help Beca but was this the best way?

"Your right. But I'm sure some paparazzi would know." Aubrey smirked at me.

"No. No. No. Bad idea Aubrey."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"Fine. Let's go."

BECA

After another beating, I locked myself in the bathroom. My hands were shaking. I sat curled up in the bathtub hugging my knees. I had been in there for a few hours. I could hear something going on outside the bathroom But I was too afraid to look to see what was happening. After a while, there was a gentle knock on the bathroom door.   
    "Beca?" It sounded like Chloe. But that's not possible. Either I passed out and this is a dream or I'm dead. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't get any words to come out. The sound I produced sounded like a dying cat. "Beca. Open the door." She was very calm and her voice was soothing.

"C-c-can't" I finally managed to choke out.

"Why not?"

I tried to keep talking but it wasn't working. I ended up just making a small noise. It was pathetic of me. I felt like a child.

"Beca, I'm going to come in okay?" I heard rustling. My guess is she used a hairpin or found the key hidden in my laptop bag. After a second she opened the door. Her bright blue eyes locking onto me. "Oh my god." She said climbing into the tub with me and holding me close. There were bruises already forming and a large cut on my forehead. Along with some other various scratches and things. I melted into her embrace. Don't let her in. Don't let in the person you love. Don't let them get hurt.

"Y-you'll get blood on you," I mumbled.

"I don't care."

"I do."

"Let me into your head. Let me into your life. I want to help." I only nodded in response.


	7. Support

TRIGGER WARNING: Panic.

 

 

CHLOE

I held Beca close, her head on my chest. I wish none of this ever happened. I wish I could have prevented it. But, the past is the past and I will be there to protect her from now on.

"We should get you to a hospital," I said gently.

She tightened her arms around me and mumbled into my shoulder. "No. No hospitals."

"Beca, you have a big cut on your head. You going to need stitches."

"Please. If I go then there will be questions and I can't do questions. Not to mention press and then more questions and Jesse finding out and..."  she grabbed my shirt. She just needed something to hold and I honestly didn't care.

"I won't let that happen Beca. You know that. Please. Just let me take you."

"Why don't you do it?"

"Beca..."  She looked up at me. There was so much in her eyes. Pain and fear and loneliness and so much more.

"Please..." She whispered. I sighed.

"On one condition," I said.

"What...?"

"If I stitch it up, we go to the hospital just for good measure. I won't let them ask any questions and," I leaned closer to her hear. "I'll let the other Bella deal with the press."

She looked at me and nodded. I climbed out of the bathtub where we had been sitting. Beca tried to follow suit but nearly fell. I grabbed her arm which made her flinch but then she let me be her support. I got her out of the bathroom and into one of the kitchen chairs and went to go find a needle and thread. Once I found some I pulled another chair up close to hers so I could take care of her wound.

BECA

Chloe pressed a wet washcloth to my forehead. I flinched and whimpered in pain.

"I know, I know," She said putting her other hand on top of mine. "This is gonna hurt okay?" she said holding a needle and thread.

"O-okay..." She started to stitch up the cut on my forehead. It hurt a lot. I bit my lip and tried not to cry. My head was pounding. A few tears fell and it started to freak me out.

 _You're so weak. You are nothing you deserve nothing good._  My hand went to the area under my collarbone that it always does. I started to claw. Chloe stopped stitching my head and took my hand in hers.

"I know its scary but you're ok. You're safe and you have nothing to be afraid of. I'm right here." She put her non-dominant hand in mine. "Squeeze as hard as you need to but don't claw ok?"

She went back to stitching. I squeezed her hand tight. She gave a gentle squeeze back. After a little while, she was done. I didn't want to let go of her hand. It just felt so right in mine. I went to stand up, Chloe stood right up with me putting an arm around my waist. Good thing she did as my knees started to buckle. She held me close to her and basically allowed me to put my full weight on her.

"Right. Hospital now." She said to someone I think it was Aubrey maybe? I felt like I was in a fog. I was no longer panicking so I could kind of start to evaluate everything. Everything hurt. My head hurt the worst though. Not just where I had the stitches but also farther back on my head. I think Jesse hit me with a bottle? I'm not entirely sure. I heard Chloe say something but I really couldn't hear her. Everything was so loud in my head. I remember getting into a car but other then I think I passed out.

CHLOE

As Aubrey drove to the hospital I kept a close eye on the tiny brunette passed out on me. I was almost certain she had a concussion. She seemed peaceful at that moment. As if none of this had happened. She had her mouth open a little and was drooling slightly. But it was kind of cute. Her head was on my shoulder and our hands were still connected. It felt so right. When we got to the hospital I didn't try to wake Beca. I just scooped her up and hoped it didn't cause her to be in more pain. She was super light. I knew she was small but I didn't think she would be this small. Then put Beca on a gurney and took her took check her over. I knew she would be fine.

"How did you calm her down?" Aubrey asked.

"I just held her. Why?"

"Haven't you read anything on her? Nobody can get her to calm down."

"I don't like to read what people write about her," after a moment I added, "What do you mean nobody can calm her down."

"According to interviews, people have tried to calm her down when she has a panic attack but nobody can. Okay, they don't really call it a panic attack but I think that's what they are talking about."

I shrugged. " Beca's brain is different. Sometimes she just needs to be reassured that someone is there..."

"She needs to Chloe."

"I know. I just wish..."

"Help her. She needs support and she's clearly not getting it from Jesse."

"I know. I want to be there but she won't let me be."

"Catch her when she falls Chloe, just support her. You're her rock."


	8. I Wish

TRIGGER WARNING: None

 

 

BECA

It had been a week since Chloe tried to save me from Jesse. I got some not so great attention from the press because of it. It was 4 am in LA which meant it was 7 in new york. Chloe had agreed to let me stay if I kept in close contact with her. I would text her at 7 her time and we would talk on the phone on my way home from work.

**Me: I need so much coffee**

**Chloe: How much sleep did you get?**

**Me: uh...**

**Chloe: Beca! You said you would do better.**

**Me: I know. I'm sorry Chlo. It's just...**

**Chloe: I know. At least take a nap before work. Please.**

**Me: Right cuz that'll go so well.**

**Chloe: Beca.**

**Me" Jesus. I can hear the mom in your voice.**

**Chloe: Whatever. Just get some sleep okay.**

**Me: Ok.**

I knew that Chloe would always have my back. I love her so much. I just wish I could tell her. I wish I could be with her. I wish that her arms were wrapped around me and I was breathing in her scent. I closed my eyes just for a moment to picture her. Her hair flowing in the summer breeze, making it look like a flame. Her bright blue eyes as deep as oceans. I missed her touch. I wish I was with her.

"I wish..." I said under my breath.

"Wish what?" Jesse responded. Fuck. He heard that.

CHLOE

One of her songs came on the radio on my ride to work. It made me smile. I wondered what she was doing at this moment in time. She was probably working on a mix or writing a new song. Maybe she was just sitting on the fire escape drinking a cup of coffee looking at the sunrise. I brushed away the tear that rolled down my cheek. I wish I could share those moments with her. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

**Beca: I accidentally put your hoodie in my bag. I can mail it to you if you send me your address.**

I smiled. To myself and close my eyes. I can see her sitting in her studio with a cup of coffee working on a mix. Wearing my hoodie.

**Me: No that's okay. Why don't you hang onto it for a while. Maybe if you wear it will be like I'm there to hug to and help you.**

Did that sound to lovey? I hope that doesn't freak her out.

**Beca: Okay. Thank you.**

**Me: anytime. I'll talk to you later okay!**

**Beca: lookin forward to it.**

I wish we could do more than just text or talk on the phone. I wish I could hold her. I wish that she was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. She deserves love. Jesse has her convinced that the only love that she deserves is his toxic love. I want to run my hand through her hair while she watches tv. I want to rub out the knots in her neck from being bent over a notebook.

**Me: I wish I was with you right now**

**Beca: I know. I wish the same**

BECA

I sat in the studio with Chloe's hoodie on. It wasn't cold in there but it just made me feel safe and happy. I had a melody in my head. I didn't have any artists in for another hour. I could work some of it out, right? I made a beat to keep me on tempo. I got into the booth and listened for a second. I closed my eyes and pictured Chloe. Everything I wish I could tell her. About what's happening. About what I'm scared to do.

"Sitting in the dark for a while now waiting for the air to clear. Damn it gets so cold in here. Damn it gets so cold in here. Still sitting in the same spot wishing for a sign that can take away and clear my fears. I'm gonna be lonely. They say I'm gonna be lonely."

Chloe is that sign. But I push her away. I push everyone away. I wish I knew what to do. But there's nothing I can do. Not that I can think off. If I leave Jesse all hell will rein loose. If I stay with him I'll be hurt and stuck.

"No way out of disaster. So straight line. Are you looking for me? If you're looking for me I already left the building."

I closed my eyes once again and pictured Chloe. "Lips so soft in my memory. Eyes so deep. God. I'm trying to see. Why it never was me. Cuz. I can't take it. I can't take it anymore. So I let me break it off. And I'm not going back." I can't go back to the Bellas. Not anymore.

"Beca?" Theo's voice came from my headphones. I jumped.

"Jesus Theo!"

"Sorry. Just wanted to let you know that you have a meeting in a half hour."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks."

"Yup. Sounding good by the way."

"Thanks."


	9. Talk to Me

TRIGGER WARNING: Swearing,

 

 

CHLOE

"Beca didn't call yesterday," I said to Aubrey while making us coffee.

"Maybe she was just really busy Chloe."

"She still should have called."

"If it really bothered you that much why didn't you call her last night?"

"I... uh..."

"Exactly."

I rolled my eyes. "I just don't want her to disconnect from us again."

"Which I get but Chloe. Beca's a big-time musician and producer. She has a busy life."

"Stillllll," I said plopping onto my bed. I stared up at the ceiling.

"Give her a break. She's going through a lot."

"I know Aubrey. But I just want to help her."

"I know Chloe."

I looked at the time. It was 6:55. I had to leave to go to work. "I gotta go. Bye!"

"See ya."

I ran out the door to catch the subway. Once I got on the train and in a seat, I pulled out my phone. Beca would be texting me shortly. Sure enough, as soon as it changed from 6:59 to 7:00 My phone buzzed.

**Beca: I. Am. So. Fucking. Sorry. I totally forgot to call yesterday. I just got really busy and then Jesse wanted to go out to a party so we had to go. I fucking hate those parties but I mean yeah. I'm really fucking sorry Chloe.**

I smiled I could picture her typing furiously to apologize.

**Me: Aw Beca. It's okay! Don't stress over it. You forgot it's fine.**

BECA

I sat in the waiting room of my therapist's office. Chloe said I should go to one. I mean it can't hurt to try right?  _Just keep your head down and nobody will notice you._ I twisted my thumb ring for a while till that no longer helped. I started picking at the black nail polish on my fingers. I tapped and bounced and fidgeted till after what felt like an eternity I was finally called back.

"Hi, Beca. How are you today?" My therapist, a young blonde haired woman, asked. I just shrugged in response. I know Chloe thinks this will help but I honestly don't.

"How are things with your fiance?" she asked.

"Fine," I mumbled. I had gone back to twisting my thumb ring. After an hour of her asking questions and me avoiding them or giving 'fine' or 'it's whatever' as a response, I was finally able to leave. I didn't want to go home but I didn't want to go back to the studio either. I went to a park and sat under a tree for a while until I could call Chloe.

"Hi, Beca!" Chloe said into the phone. I could basically hear her smile.

"Hey," I felt a smile tug at my lips. Just knowing that she was smiling was enough to make me smile.

"How are you today?" She was genuinely interested I know.

"Okay, I guess."

"Okay as in worse than normal or okay as in slightly better?"

"Okay as in okay Chloe," I laughed.

"What are you doing right now?"

"Just sitting under a tree. You?"

"Working on some homework."

We sat on the phone for a while till Chloe had to go and I headed home.

CHLOE

It made me happy when she called. We would talk about anything and everything. She told me about her day. About her music. I would tell her about the animals I worked with that day. She would get excited when I described the dogs to her. Even after we were done talking I would sit on the fire escape for a while. Her laugh still echoing in my head. I smiled. Maybe now she won't feel so far away. She talks to me. I love that she does. She lets me in. I love her and I want to help her.

"Chloe," Aubrey said sticking her head out the window. "Come inside."

"I'll be in in a second," I replied staring at the moon. It was 10 pm here.

"Chloe..." Aubrey said climbing out of the window to sit next to me. "I know you're still worried about her."

"Of course I'm worried. My best friend is stuck in a toxic relationship."

"She'll be out of it soon. You know that. She just needs time."

I shook my head. "She's so scared Aubrey."

"She's Beca Mitchell. She's the toughest person we know. Who was the one who lead us to victory at the ICCAs?"

"Beca."

"And who was right by her side through everything?"

"I... I guess I was."

"Did you ever leave her?"

"Well, no..."

"Exactly. Beca loves you, Chloe. She always has. Now come inside before you catch something."


	10. Get Away

TRIGGER WARNING: Swearing, abuse.

 

 

BECA

"What the fuck Beca!" Jesse yelled at me.

"What do you want me to say, Jesse? That I'm sorry? I'm sorry your such an asshole that some dude punched you!" Jesse dragged me to a stupid god damn party last night. He was drunk and I was kinda tipsy and we started fighting. Some guy came over and punched Jesse for being such an ass.

"I wouldn't have been acting like that if you wouldn't have wandered off!"

"Wandered off?!?!"

"Did I fucking stutter!" He kept getting louder. With every word, he seemed to get bigger. More powerful. I was scared but I was tired of losing these fights.

"Jesse..." I said quietly. "I... I only wandered off because I needed a break."

"You don't take a break from me!" He yelled and threw a beer bottle at me. It missed but it was enough for me to start to panic. I grabbed a duffel bag and started shoving clothes into it.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I just need some space." I managed to say.

"Space?!?"

"Just for a while." I headed towards the door.

"Get back here."

I bit my lip. "No." It took everything in me to do that.

"No!?!?!"

I walked through the door and closed it behind me. I heard the sound of another bottle being thrown. I started to run. I hailed a cab and called the only person who would be able to help. The only person who I could trust.

CHLOE

I picked at my pasta and stared off into space. I couldn't focus on anything in particular. It sucked.

"Chloe? You okay?" Aubrey asked taking my plate from me and putting it on the counter next to her's.

"Fine."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I love her."

"I know. And I know she loves you too. She just needs a little help to see that."

"I don't know..."

"Well, I do."

Aubrey's phone rang. "You should get that. It might be important."

She nodded and picked up her phone before going out onto the fire escape. I went and got ready for bed. I looked at the cup that held Aubrey and my toothbrushes. I remember when Beca's was in the cup. It was a dark purple one. Mine was pink. I can't look around this apartment without being reminded of her. I closed my eyes and remembered back to San Diego when she was in the shower.  _My favorite color is you._ I smiled at the memory. I love her. My favorite color is her. I love her so much. If only she were mine. I crawled into bed. Beca and I used to share this bed. Now I share it with the red panda Beca left. I miss her being here. I miss her endless working. I miss how she wiggled her feet when she couldn't sleep. I miss her not making the bed. I miss every little thing about her. I just want to tell her all of this. I want her to get away from Jesse and come to me. I want to hold her and stroke her hair and tell her how much I love her. But I can't. And I won't. So I'll wait for as long as it takes.

BECA

"I need your help," I said into my phone.

"With what?" Aubrey responded.

"Book me a hotel room in New York. Get me a plane ticket over there. It can be the cheapest thing ever. I'll pay you back."

"Beca what's going on?"

I ran a shaking hand through my hair. "I'm trying to get away. I need to get away from him."

"Why didn't you call Chloe? She would be there in an instant you know that."

"That's why. Because I don't want her here. Hell, I want her as far away from here as humanly possible."

"Why are you doing this Beca

"Because I need her Aubrey. I need her more than anything."

"Okay. You have a room at the hotel a block from our apartment and the plane ticket is in your email."

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Beca."

"Yeah?"

"Be safe okay? And when you get here. Come give Chloe a hug."

"Will do." we hung up and I closed my eyes. I was finally getting away from him. Even just for a short time. The cab driver took me to the airport. I got on the flight with no problems. In about five hours I would be with her. That's all that matters. I was wearing her hoodie. For the first time in what felt like forever, my mind and heart were at peace.


	11. Safety

TRIGGER WARNING: None

 

 

 

CHLOE

The next morning there was a knock at the apartment door. I assumed it was Aubrey and she had forgotten her keys. But when I opened the door, instead of seeing a tall blonde there was a small brunette.

"Beca?"

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"I missed you," she said wrapping her arms around me. I smiled and hugged her back.

"I missed you too." I spun us so I could close the door. We slipped and fell onto the bed, both of us laughing a tangle of limbs. I brushed the hair out of Beca's face. She had no makeup on. Her smile was wide and her eyes were bright. My thumb stroked her cheek.

"This is nice," she said after a while.

"It really is."

Beca snuggled into me like she wanted there to be no space between us. I could tell something was off. Beca was never this cuddly. I also knew not to push her. If she had planned to come to see me she would have called to plan it a little more. This was her looking for safety. This was her looking for comfort. We laid there on the bed we used to share. Her snuggled into me. Me stroking her hair. Till eventually, she fell asleep. I smiled. This is what I wanted. Her by my side. Happy. Safe. Calm. She smiled in her sleep. I continued to stroke her hair till I had to get up so I could do things. I scooped her up and tucked her in. She stirred a little clearly not happy that I was no longer there.

"Shhhh," I said gently. I kissed her forehead. She smiled and relaxed into the bed. I let out a breath of relief and started going about cleaning the apartment.

BECA

I woke up drenched in sweat Chloe sitting near me, concern in her eyes. I immediately threw myself onto her. She wrapped her arms around me. I was crying silently into her shoulder. She stroked my hair.

"Shhhh. You're okay. You're safe." she said softly. "It's okay."

I pulled my head from her shoulder I sniffed. Chloe wiped the tears from my eyes. "Sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I'm still sorry."

She just hugged me again. With her, I felt safe. Like nothing could hurt me. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"No," I said quickly.

"That's fine."

We sat like that for a while. "I don't want to go back to him."

"Then stay here. You don't have to go back."

"I do though..." I pushed myself away from her.  _Don't get too attached. If she gets hurt it's on you. Nobody else but you._

"Why? Why would you need to go back?"

"Because of my job. Because if I don't bad things will happen. If I don't I'll always be-"

"I swear to god if you say your nothing."

I bit my lip and looked away.

"You're not nothing. You are everything. You are amazing and talented and beautiful."

Did Chole just call me beautiful? No. That's not possible. Right?

CHLOE

Beca was only here for a short while. She was going to go back to Jesse. I hated that she felt she had to. She was scared. Of him. Of what he would do. I want to keep her safe. That's all I've ever wanted. I think its something Beca wants too, or else she wouldn't be here with me. We laid on the bed her head on my lap. I was studying for an exam and Beca was 'helping'. Really she was just laying here with me scrolling through her phone.

"I wish I didn't have to leave tomorrow," she said out of nowhere.

"I wish you didn't have to either."

"Can I come to visit more?" she asked sheepishly.

"Of course! You can come anytime. Just next time call ahead."

"Technically I did call ahead."

"No, you didn't silly."

"I called Aubrey."

She called Aubrey? I thought I was her best friend. "Why?"

"I didn't want you to freak out."

"Beca..."

"Are you mad at me?" she asked. I looked at her face. There were tears starting to form in her eyes. She was biting her lip.

"No. No Beca. I'm not mad at you. I just wish I could keep you safe."

"You do keep me safe Chloe. You're my savior."

Our eyes met. I couldn't read the emotion on Beca's face. I could see the gears turning in her head. The two sides battling back and forth till finally one side was victorious. She averted her gaze from mine and went back to looking through her phone.


	12. Admittance

TRIGGER WARNING: Swearing, panic attacks

 

 

BECA

It's too much. It's all too much. I came back from New York 2 months ago. Jesse's awful. My life sucks. I can't get out. I'm trapped. My head is so loud even music can't drown out everything. In a fight with Jesse, I did the drastic thing I swore I would never do. Now I'm here. In this 'Mental Health Center'. Let's call it what it is. I'm now in a fucking mental hospital.  _Jesse was right. I'm nothing. I will always be nothing. I will never be anything. I'm alone._ I don't talk. Many have tried to get me to explain. Doctors and nurses and psychologists. But I won't talk. Not to them. Everything here is white. White walls. White sheets. White tables. White chairs. Everything is sterile and clean. I feel like I'm slowly going insane. I need her. God Damnit. I love her and I need her. More than anything. I wrote her a letter. I had to get this to her. I walked up to one of the therapists that had been trying to work with me.

"I need you to send this letter," I said. I had been here a month and a half and that was the first thing I had said. The therapist was taken aback.

"Miss Michell," She started.

"Please. It's important." I think she could see the desperation in my eyes. She nodded and walked off. I had waited so long to tell Chloe. I had to word it just right. It needed to be perfect. I didn't know how else to say it. Hell. I didn't even write it. I told her to come. To come to see me. That I needed her. But I couldn't tell her I love her. I want to say it to her. It might have just been the crazy talking but I need to tell her. I needed to look into her bright blue eyes as I said it. To see her fiery hair. Feel her touch. Counseling sessions were unproductive as I didn't talk. I was going insane. That was until a nurse came to my room one morning.

"Miss Mitchell, You have a visitor."

    Fuck. I can't do this. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK!

CHLOE

I was led down the hallway to the Beca's room by a nurse. But when we got there. I was told to wait outside her room. There were other nurses already in the room. I could only catch snippets of what they were saying.

"You need to calm down." one said.

"Just take a deep breath." spoke another.

"Do we want to get some meds in her system?" asked a third nurse. I could hear thrashing and whimpering.

"No don't scratch." the first nurse said.

Beca was having a panic attack. I can help.  _You were told to wait. But Beca needs me. I can help. But if you go in there..._  I went into the room.

The nurse who had asked about giving her meds spoke to me. "You can't be in here miss. Not till she's calm."

"I can help. I know her better than anyone." I shoved my way through the nurses until I could get to Beca. I grabbed her hand that had started to claw. They had cut her nails so she couldn't do much damage. I pulled her close to me.

"Beca," I said softly. "It's okay. You're okay. Nothing is going to happen. I promise." After a while of me just holding her, she calmed down. The hospital staff seemed amazed. "You're okay," I repeated one more time. The nurses left the room and it was just me and Beca. "I got your letter," I said.

"Good." She replied.

"Beca, why?"

"I had no other choice. It was the only way I could be free of him." She started to cry. I held her close her head in my shoulder. Her normal coffee and campfire scent was gone. This wasn't my Beca. This was just a shell of the person I loved.

BECA

She came. I was crying. I didn't care. She was here. I kept my head in her shoulder breathing in her vanilla-caramel scent. She always smelled the same.  _It's now or never Beca. Tell her. I can't. Just do it. Shut up._

"You okay?" Chloe asked.

I pulled myself away from her and sat cross-legged on the bed. "Now. That you're here."

"Can I ask..."

"Big fight. I did something stupid..." I said looking down at the white blanket on the bed.

"What did you do?"

I looked down not willing to meet her eyes.

"Beca..." She wrapped me in a hug.

"It was drastic but I... I couldn't see another way..."

"You could have called."

"I couldn't put you in danger."

"Beca. I want to help you. Why won't you let me?"

"Because I love you! Okay! Because I love you and I could never get myself to admit it!" I don't know where that anger came from. I wasn't angry at Chloe. I was angry at myself. I got up and went over to the window. Chloe followed taking my hand in hers.

"Beca?"

"What."

"Don't beat yourself up over this ok."

"I'm sorry I just. I can't keep pretending."

"I can't either. I love you too." I turned to look at her. And for the first time in months. I smiled.


	13. Soon, My Love

TRIGGER WARNING: Drunk, swearing

 

 

 

 

CHLOE

Beca's blue eyes stared back at mine. "Seriously?" she asked.

"Seriously." She wrapped her arms around my neck. "I love you."

"As like a friend or?"

I grabbed her hand. "Beca. Look at me. Do you think I would fly across the country because I loved you just as a friend?"

"I mean...I don't know you're a very nice person so..."

I pressed my lips to her cheek. Her skin was soft and warm.

"What happens now?" she asked.

"I think that's up to you."

"Get me out of here."

"Beca..."

"No, get me out. I need to get out of here."

I nodded. Beca didn't belong here. She was going crazy. My thumb rubbed her hand. "I'll see what I can do okay?"

"Thank you. For coming. For everything." She said with a half smile.

"Of course. I'll always be right by your side."

She rested her head on my arm. "This is nice. Well. not the place. But us. We are nice."

I smiled and kissed her head. "Let me go see what I can do to get you out of here."

"Okay."

I squeezed her hand once more before leaving the room and locating a nurse. She was going to be free. She will be free and she will be happy. Soon. And when she's ready, I will be right there.

BECA

Chloe got me out. We went to a park and sat under a tree. We sat there in silence. Till Chloe said something. "You're going to go back to him aren't you."

I just looked at the ground. I didn't want to but I was going to have to face him again eventually. "I'm sorry."

"Beca. Why do you do this to yourself?"

"I don't know Chloe. I want to be free of him."

"Then leave him."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared to death of him!!!" I put my face in my hands.

"You don't have to be scared. I'm right here. I won't let him hurt you."

I shook my head. "Chloe... I...."

"Shhhh. We'll figure this out. We always do right?"

"Uh huh."

"Take your time. You don't have to do it tonight or next week."

"So I could do it never."

"No. Not never. But when you're ready. Beca. You're the bravest person I know. You can do this."

"How are you so positive?"

"It's just who I am. Just like you are always a grump." She tapped the tip of my nose with her finger. I pulled a face which made her laugh. Which made me smile. "There's the Beca I know. The Beca I love."

CHLOE

After a weekend in Los Angeles, I had to go back to new york. I didn't want to. I wanted to take Beca back with me. We agreed that she would visit more often. And that before she did anything drastic and crazy she would call. Soon she would be free. Soon she would be mine. It's only a matter of time. One night I got a call from Beca at 3 am. It was only midnight in LA.

"Beca? What's wrong?"

"I'mreallysorrychloe." she slurred. She was drunk.

"Why would you be sorry?"

"I love you. Be my girlfriend?"

"Beca. We can't. Jesse remember?"

"Fuck Jesse!"

"Beca. Your drunk."

"And? Fuck these stupid parties. It's always Jesse's idea to go to them."

"You know what you have to do before I say yes."

"Why can't you say yes and then I break it off with him?"

"Because that's not right."

"But I want you to be miiiiine."

"Soon my love."

"Heh. 'My love'. I like that." She laughed.

"Good. Be safe okay Bec? I have to go." I didn't want to wake up Aubrey.

"I'll be safe. Can I come to see you this weekend."

"Sure. I'll see you then."

"Okay. I love you!"

"I love you too."


	14. Suprises

TRIGGER WARNING: None

 

 

BECA

"It's just for some promo. I'll be back on Wednesday."

"That's like a whole week Bec," Jesse said. After the whole mental hospital incident, he's calmed down a little.

"You'll manage a week," I said putting my laptop into my bag.

"But it's so long," he said wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck.

"I know baby, but I have to." I have to keep up the act. I mean it's not like I'm completely lying to Jesse. I mean I am there to see Chloe but I'm also doing some interviews.

"You should go. You don't want to miss your flight."

"Okay. I'll see you on Wednesday." We kissed quickly and he smacked my ass as I walked out the door. Okay. Here we go. Five hours till Chloe. My leg bounced the entire flight. Eventually, we landed. When I exited the gate I saw her. Firey red hair. Bright blue eyes. A white dress. She looked like an angel. I ran to her and jumped onto wrapping myself around her.

"Woah. Hey there Tigger." She laughed.

"Sorry," I said unwrapping my legs from her waist.

"Stop apologizing." She said as she grabbed my suitcase in one hand and taking my hand into her other. This is all I've ever wanted. We got a cab and went to the apartment.

"Close your eyes," Chloe said once we got up to the apartment and blocked the door.

"Chloe..."

"Just do it."

"Fine." I closed my eyes. "You better not be trying to kill me."

"Oh shut up. You know I'm not. Don't open your eyes till I tell you to."

"I hate you right now."

"No. You don't" She kissed my cheek and I heard her opening the door. "Open them"

CHLOE

"SURPRISE!!" yelled all of the Bellas once Beca opened her eyes.

"Holy shit!" Beca yelled back. I could tell she was both shocked and also excited.

"What up Shawshank." Fat Amy said waltzing over to Beca.

"What-how-why?" Beca said dumbfounded.

"We all took some time so we could celebrate," Aubrey said.

"Celebrate what?" Beca asked looking back at me.

"Your birthday silly," I responded smirking.

"My-holy fuck that's next week."

"You forgot your own birthday?" Emily chimed in.

"I. Uh. Yeah. I guess I did." Beca laughed awkwardly.

"Well, we didn't," I said once again taking Beca's hand in mine.

"Let's get this party started!" Cynthia Rose yelled. All the other Bella's cheered. I watched the gears turn in Beca's head. It was amazing watching her think. The way her thoughts seemed to dance around her eyes. It was like reading a different language. You knew it was something bit you just aren't sure what.

"Stop worrying and have some fun Beca," I whispered into her ear as I squeezed her hand. She returned it with a squeeze back and a slightly forced half smile.

"Cake or presents first?" asked Aubrey.

"I vote cake!" Fat Amy said earning a glare from most of the Bellas.

"I uh. I really don't care." Beca replied.

"Ok. I guess we'll do cake?" Aubrey said. It was like Beca not to care. But this was us celebrating her and her birthday. Why did she seem to not like it?

BECA

I hate my birthday. I mean I like birthdays. Just not my own. It's nice to see all of the Bellas. But why my birthday? We ended up doing presents first. Don't ask me why. I honestly don't know. I got some nice stuff. Lily gave me a knife which was kind of terrifying. After presents, Aubrey cut and served up the cake. All of the Bellas were in the apartment making it feel small and increasing my anxiety. I ended up going onto the fire escape. I had my cigarette box in my hand. I knew I shouldn't but it helped. I lit one up and sat on the steps watching the New York sky.

"Beca?" Chloe said. Shit. "What are you doing?"

I put the cigarette out quickly. "I'm sorry...I just." She set the two slices of cake she brought out with her on one of the steps and hugged me.

"How long?" she asked. I just shrugged.

"Once things started getting worse..."

"Beca..."

"I know. I just. I don't know what to do anymore." she sat down beside me and I rested my head on her shoulder.

"I know Beca. I know." She rubbed my arm and we sat there for a while before she spoke again. "I have something for you."

"We already did presents," I said.

"Just open it." She said handing me a small purple box with a red bow tied on it.

"Chloe..."

"C'mon."

"Fine." I unwrapped the box. In it was a key on a chain. On the top of the key was an engraving  _'The key to my heart. And apartment.'_


	15. Early Mornings

TRIGGER WARNING: None

 

 

 

CHLOE

"Do you like it?" I asked Beca.

"I love it." She smiled. We sat out on the fire escape for a while. Her head on my shoulder and her hand in mine. This is what we both wanted.

"I love you," I said after a while.

"I know," she responded earning a playful punch from me. "What?"

"You're a butt."

"Yeah, but you love me anyway."

"Uh huh." I smiled and so did she. When we eventually went back into the apartment, all the other Bellas had left already.

"Everyone leave?" Beca asked.

"Yeah about 10 minutes ago. Considering its like 3 am." Aubrey responded.

"Jesus. Is it really?" Beca said. "I didn't realize how long we were out there."

I smiled. It was easy to lose track of time when I was with Beca. Even just sitting on the fire escape. We took turns getting ready for bed. I climbed into the bed. Beca pulled out her laptop and headphones and sat at the kitchen table.

"You're not going to sleep?" I asked

"I won't. You know that."

"Try? Please? For me?"

She looked over at me. Her eyes softened and she closed her laptop and sighed. "Only because I love you."

I smiled as she climbed into the bed. "I love you too."

"Night Chloe."

BECA

I laid in the bed until Chloe was asleep. I, however, was still wide awake. I grabbed my laptop and headphones and went out onto the fire escape. It was freezing but I didn't care. I pulled my headphones on and started to work. I watched the sunrise over the city that never sleeps. I felt so much closer to this city than I felt to Los Angeles. New York was loud and always moving. I mean so is L.A. but, in L.A. you blend in if you're tall, blonde, and skinny. But not so skinny that you have no muscle. And you have to be perfectly tan. In New York, nobody gives a shit what you look like. Only 4 foot 10? That's fine. Black hair? Sure! Not skinny? Nobody gives you a second glance. It's so much easier to hide here. I looked down at myself. My brown hair was greasy and choppy. I was a short person at only 5 foot 2. I was skinny but not with muscle. I was the type of skinny that people told me I needed to remember to eat. I also looked like a ghost half the time, I was so pale.

"Beca? You okay?" Aubrey asked sticking her head out the window.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine." She didn't believe me. She climbed out and sat next to me.

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

"Nothing. It's fine."

"How long have you been out here?"

"Not long," I said, you know, like a liar.

"B.S.," Aubrey said. "Your laptop is at 50% I know it was at 100% when you got here."

I just shrugged. "Chloe still asleep?"

"Yeah. Come inside Beca. It's freezing out here."

"I don't think it's cold."

"Okay. Suit yourself. I'll send Chloe your way when she wakes up."

CHLOE

I woke up without Beca in the bed. I would have expected her to still be asleep. I looked around the apartment. Beca's laptop was gone and so were her headphones. Her jacket was still here though.

"Your girlfriend is freezing her ass off on the fire escape," Aubrey said setting two mugs on the table.

"She's not my girlfriend," I said. "Not yet anyway" I added quietly

"Whatever. I'm heading out. Text me if you guys need anything." and with that, she grabbed her coat and left. I got up and made coffee for Beca and me before heading to the fire escape.

"Hey," I said handing her one of the mugs.

"Morning."

"How'd you sleep?" She knew I was probing.

"I. Uh. I didn't."

"Beca..."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's not entirely in your control." I set my hand on her bicep. It was freezing "Jesus Bec. You're freezing."

"I'm fine actually." she tried to protest but I had already gotten up and grabbed a blanket to wrap around her.

"Why are you out here anyway?" I asked.

"Because I missed this. I miss New York. I miss you."

"I know. I miss you when you're not here."


	16. Fine

TRIGGER WARNING: Panic attack, smoking

 

 

BECA

"Calm down Beca," Chloe said. We were hanging out in the green room of The Late Show with Jimmy Fallon. I was pacing and Chloe was sitting on one of the couches. "You've done this a thousand times."

"And every time I'm nervous."

"Hey," she said getting up and standing in front of me, grabbing my hands. "You're going to be great." She kissed my forehead leaving a lipstick mark.

"Chloe!" I yelled. She just laughed. "It's not funny!"

"It kind of is though," she responded as she started to wipe it off.

"You're an ass."

"Awwwww. I love you too Beca!"

"Whatever."

"Miss Mitchell? You're up." one of the stagehands said. Chloe gave me an encouraging smile and a nod. I followed the stagehand to the wing where I would wait till I was told to enter. I rocked on the balls of my feet and twisted my many rings. My hands were sweaty and I had to focus on breathing. The interview was awful. It wasn't Jimmy's fault. In fact, everyone else probably thought it was fine. Chloe would be waiting for me at the stage door for us to leave. Before I went there though, I went to a different door that leads to a back alley. I pulled the cigarette box from my bag. There were only a couple left. I lit one up and stood there against the wall, the cold night wind biting and my face. After a while, I went back in and went to the stage door.

"Hey! You okay?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah. Fine."

"Okay...?"

CHLOE

We went back to the apartment. Beca was too stressed out for us to go to our dinner plans. We were on the bed. Her on her laptop, me laying on top of her. I was acting as a weighted blanket. I watched as her eyebrows scrunched together when working with a line of a track. Or how her teeth grinded against her lower lip when considering deleting a part.

"It's rude to stare Beale," she said her eyes not leaving the laptop.

"I'm not staring. Just looking."

"See anything you like?" she smirked.

Damnit that was smooth. The light from the laptop bouncing off of her blue eyes making them glow. "Maybe."

She smiled as she worked. After a while, she closed her laptop and took off her headphones. We just laid there unmoving for a while.

"You hungry?" I asked.

"Nah. I'm fine."

"Okay?" I responded slightly worried.

"Don't worry about it, Chloe." She said moving so our faces were only a few inches apart. I let my hand run through her hair. She closed her eyes and sighed. She seemed so peaceful. After a while of us laying there she fell asleep. She was leaving tomorrow to go back to Jesse. She keeps telling me that it's fine. It's not. She deserves better than him. She deserves to be happy. She wants to be happy I can tell. She just doesn't think she deserves it. So she settles. For fine.


	17. Birthdays

TRIGGER WARNING: None

 

 

BECA

I woke up in a panic. I rarely sleep. And when I do there's always a nightmare. I got up out of the bed and made some coffee. I stared out the window. I felt arms wrap around my waist I smiled. "Morning," I said

"What are you doing up?" Jesse asked.

"Nightmare."

He kissed my temple. "I'm sorry."

As much as I loved Chloe, I also loved Jesse. He was a great guy before all of the drinking. After the mental hospital, he quit drinking. He sees a therapist as I do, he doesn't drag me to parties. He's getting his life back together.  _You love him. But you love Chloe. But you have Jesse here now. But I love them both._

"You're doing the thing again," he said kissing the top of my head.

"What thing?"

"The thing where you get swallowed by your thoughts."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize for it. I know you have a lot going on in your head." He grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch. "Now. You sit there and I'll make breakfast."

"Jesse..."

"Nope. It's your birthday Bec. Let me spoil you today."

"Uuuuuuggggghhh. You know I hate my birthday."

"I know babe. But I think you'll like the surprises I have planned for today."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't." He handed me a cup of coffee and kissed my head before returning to the kitchen

CHLOE

When Jesse called asking me to get the Bellas together and bring them to L.A. I was both shocked and hysterical. Even after Beca had left to go back to Los Angeles, most of the Bellas were still hanging out in New York. We rented a bus and took the trip to L.A. We arrived two days before Beca's birthday. While Beca was at the studio Jesse met up with us to explain the plan. Basically, he was going to give us (Aubrey) a key to their apartment. He would take Beca out for the day. He would text us when they were headed back for us to go and be there when they arrived. Then we would all go out to dinner and then see what else Beca wanted to do. It was actually an amazing plan. I didn't know how this evening would pan out but I hoped, for Beca's sake, that it went well.

"Alright girls. Let's give Beca the best aca-birthday ever!" Aubrey said once she got the text from Jesse. We went to the apartment and hung out there for a while. It was small but not cramped. There was only one bedroom but a large living space and a nice kitchen. Beca's mixing equipment even had its own little area by a window overlooking the beach. After about 10 minutes of waiting, we heard Beca and Jesse in the hall.

"Why do I have to close my eyes?" Beca said.

"Please." Jesse pleaded

"Jesse..." I smiled. It was just like last week when I did the same thing to her.

"I promise you'll like this."

"Fine." After a second or two Jesse opened the door and led Beca in. Her eyes were closed but I could tell she wasn't excited.

"Okay. Open your eyes." Jesse told her. She opened her eyes and looked around the room. I saw her eyes go from pissed to confusion to joy.

BECA

"What the- oh my- what are you all- Hi!" I laughed making the Bellas laugh too. Even though it had only been a week since we all saw each other it felt like ages. I ran around giving everyone hugs. I held onto Chloe a little longer than everyone else though. Jesse either didn't notice or didn't care.

"You guys ready to go to dinner?" Jesse asked once I was done hugging everyone. Everyone nodded. I took Jesse's hand. My life was about to get a whole lot more complicated. I looked over at Chloe. We shared a longing gaze. Jesse smiled. God, he was clueless. He squeezed my hand before he said: "Go hold your friend's hand I don't care."

"You sure? I don't want to abandon you."

"Bec. It's your birthday. I don't care." He kissed my forehead before sending me over to Chloe.

"Happy Birthday," she said taking my hand. I smiled and wrapped my other hand around her arm. We walked down the street to a small diner. Nothing too fancy but it was L.A. so it was more upscale. It was one of my favorite places here. It reminded me of home. We got seated and placed our orders. We talked. We laughed. It was a birthday that didn't suck.

"Now what would you like to do Beca?" Jesse asked me. "Watch a movie?" he teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I have an idea..." I said mischievously.

"Uh oh," Jesse said. "I know that look."

All the Bellas looked at me concerned. I smiled. "Trust me. It'll be fun."

"Well. Whatever it is I'm in." Chloe said giving me a look. The rest of the Bellas reluctantly nodded in agreement. This was going to be fun. 


	18. Moonlight

TRIGGER WARNING: None

 

 

 

 

CHLOE

Beca basically ran to the beach that was just behind her apartment. I had an idea as to what she wanted to do. "Beca are you insane?" Jesse asked. Beca just smiled at him and continue to take off her flannel and shoes. She was still in her tank top an shorts.

"Maybe but aren't we all a little insane? C'mon Jesse. Be crazy with me." She said grabbing his hands. She eventually convinced him. He sighed and took off his shirt. The Bellas and I followed suit. All of us in variations of tank tops, t-shirts, and shorts. Except for Stacy. She was just in her bra and underwear. We followed Beca into the water laughing. This was absolutely insane. Beca splashed me. I splashed her back and the next thing you know we are all in a water fight. That was until Jesse picked Beca up and dunked her.

"Dude!" She yelled when she came back up. Jesse laughed. Beca was smiling. She was in love with him.  _You knew that. You knew she loved him. That's why she kept going back._ We swam for a little while longer after that we all went at sat on the sand. Jesse whispered something to Beca to which she nodded before Jesse ran into the apartment. I keep saying apartment because that's what Beca calls it. It's basically a mini house. Beca moved to sit closer to me. She rested her head on my shoulder.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"Coming."

"Where else would I be?" I laughed.

"Home? With Chicago? Petting a dog?"

"As much fun as all of those sound, this was better." She smiled. The moon hitting her pale skin basically making her glow. She was gorgeous. A vampire. But gorgeous.

BECA

Jesse brought us towels and blankets and built a fire. I rested my head on his chest. Him playing with my wet hair. "So Beca, do you still hate your birthday?" he asked. The Bellas turned to look at me.

"Yes." The Bellas all seemed disappointed, "But, today wasn't that bad." I smiled and so did the Bellas. We sat there for a while. Emily ended up falling asleep on Chloe. Jessica and Ashley were half asleep on each other. I was tired myself but after last night I had no intention of sleeping.

"Do you want to put out the fire and I'll go find sleeping stuff for the Bellas?" Jesse asked. I nodded and he and most of the Bellas got up to go into the apartment. Chloe, Aubrey, and Emily stayed behind. I watched the dying flames reflecting in Chloe's blue eyes. It was like fire dancing on water. She smiled and I blushed. As much as I wanted to talk to Chloe she didn't seem like she really wanted to talk.

"I'm gonna take Emily inside." the ginger said scooping up the tall brunette. She brought Emily into the house and Aubrey and I were left.  _You fucked it up Beca. You led her on and now she hates you. You worthless bitch._

"Beca? You okay?" Aubrey asked

"Fine," I responded my eyes not leaving the embers.

"What's wrong?" She could see right through me.

"I fucked things up right?"

"What?"

"With Chloe. I fucked it up."

"I highly doubt it. But if you want I can go talk to her?" I nodded and we put out the fire and went inside.

CHLOE

Once all of the Bellas had found a reasonable place to sleep, Aubrey and I went back outside. "Spill," she said.

"Spill what?"

"Why are you mad at Beca?"

"I'm not mad at her."

"She certainly seems to think you are." Beca thought I was mad at her? I wasn't mad. I just don't understand she says that she loves me and wants to be with me. But then she shows how much she loves Jesse. I don't get it.

"I'm just confused.

"By what?"

"Beca. She says she wants to be with me but it's obvious that she loves Jesse."

"Chloe, Beca loves you. She always has. She just has to figure all of this stuff out. It's not like she can just leave Jesse. She's followed by the media now. She's being careful."

"I know. I just wish that she was with me. I know that sounds selfish but..."

"I know," she said pulling me in for a hug. I had so much on my mind. After a while, Aubrey and I went back inside. It was complete darkness other than the light coming from Beca's computer. Aubrey squeezed my hand and whispered, "Talk to her."

I nodded and stepped over the Bellas who were asleep on the floor. Beca had her headphones on. Her eyes locked on the screen. Her eyebrows scrunched together. She looked like an angel. I watched her eyes flick around the screen watching the different lines.  _Just talk to her. It's just Beca. Yeah, Beca. The girl you've been in love with for years._

"Hey."


	19. Disappear

TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse.

 

 

 

BECA

"What do you mean 'take some time'?" Jesse yelled slapping the kitchen counter. I rubbed the back of my neck. He wasn't drunk. Just mad. He needed someone steady. Someone who wasn't as 'go with the flow' as me.

"I just think we could both use some space you know?" I said shyly. "You can stay here I can find somewhere else."

"So you're going to go sleep with your girlfriend." he spat.

"My what?"

"Please Beca. I see the way you look at Chloe."

"She-we're not-I," I stammered.

"Whatever you are you need to figure it out." I bit my lip. He was right. I needed to figure all of this out. But I couldn't do that with him. Or with Chloe.

"Is that it? For us?" I asked.

He sighed. "I don't know Bec. Why don't we just call it a break and you can tell me what you want? I love you Beca. If you're not happy with me. With this. I love you enough that you don't have to continue to pretend." he held out his hand for my engagement ring. I took it off my finger. "Go take some time and let me know what you decide."

I packed up some stuff and booked a flight to Ohio. I had some family friends there that I could stay with. I pulled out my phone while waiting for my flight. I thought about texting Chloe. About texting Aubrey. I didn't do anything. I sat there, scrolling through Twitter till it was finally time to go. This was going to be a long flight I could tell. I knew that there were probably people taking pictures and texting their friends telling the world I was going somewhere. I was just ready to disappear.

CHLOE

"Aubrey? Have you heard from Beca recently?" I asked It had been a month since her birthday and she hadn't texted me in a while. I was starting to worry.

"No. Not since her birthday. Why?"

"Same here..."

"You don't think..."

"I don't think she would. She's not like that anymore."

"Have you ever tried texting her?"

"Yes, Aubrey!"

"Okay. Okay. Calm down. Have you tried Jesse?"

"No."

"Try that."

**Me: Hey Jesse. What's going on with Beca?**

**Jesse: What do you mean? I thought she was with you?**

**Me: I thought she was with you?**

**Jesse: Well shit. So we have a missing emo on our hands.**

**Me: Any idea where she would have gone?**

**Jesse: No clue. We said we were going to take a break about a month ago.**

I bit my lip. Where could she be? She's been missing for a month or so now?

**Me: So she's been MIA for a month now?**

**Jesse: Pretty much.**

**Me: did you alert the police?**

**Jesse: Right because that wouldn't be a media nightmare**

BECA

"Beca Mitchell was last seen boarding a flight to Ohio. She has not made contact with any member of her family or any of her friends, including her fiance Jesse Swanson." I turned off the tv. I succeeded. I disappeared. I was staying in a small cabin by a lake in Ohio. There was one bed, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a small living area. It was the perfect place to go to disappear. There was a grocery store about 3 miles away. It was perfect. I had abandoned my phone after the first week. It was dead and now just sitting at the bottom of my suitcase. I worked on songs. I wrote letters but never sent them. It was so perfect. Nobody knew to look here. I was invisible. After seeing that someone had alerted the police of my absence I plugged my phone in.

**24601 messages from Chloe**

**18098 messages from Jesse**

**12017 messages from Aubrey**

**14065 messages from Theo**

**476 voicemails**

Jesus. All of the messages were them asking where I was, what was happening, if I was okay, please text back, call them, etc. The voicemails were more of the same. One particular voicemail stuck out from the rest.

"Beca," Chloe said through tears. "Beca, I'm really worried about you. I just... _sniff_...I just don't know what's happening or where you are and I just want to help. Let me help you. I love you Beca. Please let me hear you say that to me once again."

I sat on the floor sobbing. If I go back and tell Jesse that we should break up it will crush him. If I tell Chloe that I can't be with her because I'm afraid she'll get hurt, then it will hurt me too. So I had to do this. I had to disappear.


	20. Messages

TRIGGER WARNING:  None

 

 

CHLOE

"Hey, Beca. It's me again. We uh we're all really worried about you. Jesus Beca, I'm really worried about you. I hope you're okay. God, I hope you're not dead in a ditch somewhere. I uh... I got to go. I love you"

"I helped bath a golden retriever today. Her name was Annie. She was very friendly. God Beca I wish you were here. Give me a sign Beca. Please. I love you Beca."

"I uh. I was just calling to hear your voicemail. I miss the sound of your voice Bec. I love you. So much. I found your mix from before you left. It's good. Every mix you make is great. I love you so much Beca."

"Hey uh, Beca, Alex from my class asked me out... I love you. I panicked and said yes. I'm sorry. I uh... I guess I'm using it as a distraction. The numbers are terrifying Beca. If you aren't already dead... I love-loved you Beca."

"Hey. I know it's been a while. I haven't forgotten about you Beca. God knows I can't forget about you. Jesse sent me my hoodie back. The one that you accidentally took in San Diego. It smells like you. I walked passed the cafe we used to meet at when you would come to visit. I'm going to L.A. with Alex next week. Jesse is moving to a new apartment. This hurts him too Beca."

"Just landed in L.A. Jesse came to the airport. He looked beat. We're all really worried Beca. If you get this message. God, I hope you get this message. Come home. Please."

"Hey Beca, I uh. I understand if you don't want to go back to L.A. Hell I understand if you don't want to come to New York either. Just uh. Let us know you're okay? Or at least alive? I'm uh... God this is going to sound stupid. I'm going to Ohio. That was the last place you were seen so maybe you're still there? God, I hope you are. And alive too. Please be alive Beca. I need you. So much. I love you Beca. More than anything.

BECA

I lived on my own time. Want to swim at 3 am? Totally acceptable. Want to sleep for an entire day? Do it. Nobody told me what to do. Nobody was taking pictures. I could wear the same thing for 4 days if I wanted to. I did what I wanted when I wanted. Yes, it was a little lonely. Jesse probably had a new girlfriend now. Or he was a drunken mess. Chloe was attractive and could have whoever she wanted. I wasn't totally alone. There was this guy. Same age as me. Jamie. He was a writer. He would come to the cabin every now and then. He convinced me to at least send a letter to Jesse, Chloe, and my family to tell them I was at least alive. That would be the only message they received from me. But after a while, Jamie went back to New York and I went back to being invisible. It was perfect.

CHLOE

"You got a letter today Chloe," Aubrey said putting the letter in front of me. It was addressed to me...in Beca's handwriting.

"Holy...IT'S FROM BECA!" I scream-cried tearing the envelope open.

"Chloe, This is proof to you that I'm alive. Don't come looking for me. I don't want to be found. I'm really sorry Chloe. I love you. I really do. But this is better for both of us. At least for right now. Tell the Bellas I love them. Including Aubrey. Make sure Jesse doesn't die of alcohol poisoning. Take care of yourself too. Make sure Jesse got his letter too. I know you probably want to know where I am. I'm in a place. It's nice here. Not really my normal scene but it's amazing here. Don't expect any other letters from me. This was so you'd stop worrying if I'm alive. Jesse didn't give you your hoodie back. He gave you my one. I have yours with me. Sorry. If you want it back I'll find a way to get it to you. Good luck with Alex. Keep a list of the dogs you help. You can tell me all about them when I see you again. I love you Chlo. Yours, Beca." I was sobbing. She was alive. But still not here.

"Hey. One step at a time. This is Beca. She'll come back eventually." Aubrey said holding me.

"You don't know that..."

"No. But you do" She squeezed my shoulders. "Plus she gave you some homework. She'll be back."

I sniffed. Aubrey was right. If Beca had no plans to come back she wouldn't have told me to take care of people. She wouldn't offer to send me my hoodie. Hell. She wouldn't have even sent me this letter. She sent me a message back. Finally.


	21. Searching

TRIGGER WARNING: Drinking

 

CHLOE

"How many times do we have to go over this Aubrey!" I yelled throwing clothes into a suitcase. "I know she said not to go looking for her but now I have a clue!"

"Cincinnati is not a clue Chloe. She's not stupid." Aubrey retorted.

"But it is. Don't you see? Someone has to have seen her. And if nobody has then at least I know that she's somewhere close by."

"I can't just let you drop everything to go searching for her! What about Alex? What will she say?"

"Who cares!"

"Chloe... I know you love Beca. But maybe you should try to..."

"Aubrey. I'm going to try. I have to." I threw Beca's hoodie in my suitcase and zipped it up. "I'll be back soon," I said before I left. I took a cab to the airport. The flight to Cincinnati was a little over 2 hours long. I landed and got a rental car. The first place I went to was the post office that the letter was sent from.

"Hello dear. How can I help you?" the woman, in her late 50s, behind the counter asked me.

"Hi. I'm trying to find the sender of this letter. THere's no return address but it went out through this post office."

She looked at the date on the envelope. "I'm sorry hun. I wasn't working the day this was sent. You might want to ask Jenny. She should be here in about ten minutes?"

"Okay. Thank you." I went and sat on one of the chairs. Beca isn't stupid enough to be hanging out in a bigger city. She also said that where she was wasn't her usual scene so.  _She could be lying to you. Why would she lie, she has nothing to hide. Stop searching. No._ A younger brunette girl came up to me. She kind of looked like Beca.

"Hi. I'm Jenny. I was told you were asking about a letter?" She held out her hand for me to shake.

"I'm Chloe. Yeah. I'm trying to find who sent this." I handed her the envelope. "Do you remember who sent this?"

BECA

I started drinking heavily. I was smoking more too. Not because I was stressed. More out of boredom. It was lonely here. My loneliness only lasted for about a week. Then I remembered why I loved it here.  _This is what you wanted Beca. But what if I was wrong? Stop, no need for soul searching. This is what you want. This is what you need._

CHLOE

"So a guy sent them?" I asked making sure I had heard Jenny correctly.

"Yeah. He's usually not in Cincinnati. His Uncle lives in Winchester. It's a small town about 50 miles east of here. I could give you the address if you want? I don't know if Jamie is still there or if he's back in New York." Jenny said.

"I'll uh. Yeah. If I could have the address." Jenny quickly scribbled down the address from memory.

"Jamie's cousin Richard is like my best friend from high school so." Jenny handed me the slip of paper.

"Thank you," I said. She nodded in response. I got back into my rental car and plugged the address into my phone. It was an hour-long drive to Winchester. I got to the house. It was small and in what appeared to be a quiet neighborhood. I walked up to the door and knocked. A guy about our Beca's age answered the door.

"Hi? Can I help you?" he said leaning against the door frame.

"Hi. I'm looking for someone. His name is Jamie? He uh. He might have seen my friend? She's uh. She's been missing for almost 2 months now and I tracked her down to here from a letter. And uh Jenny from the post office said that Jamie was the one who sent them from the post office so..."

"Sorry. Jamie went back to New York a few weeks ago. I could give you his number so you can call him? I wish I could be more help." the guy said, I assumed he was Richard.

"I, uh yeah, that would be helpful. Thank you." I said. He put Jamie's number into my phone. I headed to the hotel I was staying at and booked a flight back to New York. I wasn't going to give up searching that easily.


	22. Following Breadcrumbs

CHLOE

I went back to new york and called up Jamie. I had to find her. I wouldn't stop until I did.

"Jamie Wellerstein," the guy on the other side of the phone said.

"Hi, Jamie. I'm calling to ask you about my friend. I was told that you were the one who sent the letter I received from her. I was wondering if you knew where she is now?"

"Sorry. I'm kind of busy at the moment. Can we like schedule a meeting or something? I'm not in Ohio right now. I'm in New York right now."

"That's fine. I'm in New York."

"Oh cool. Why don't we meet at like 2 tomorrow? We can meet at this one coffee shop. I'll send you the address."

"Okay. Tomorrow at 2."

"See you there."

"Wait. We've never met. How will I know who you are?"

"I'll be the one in the corner booth in the back. How will I know who you are?"

"I have bright red hair. You can miss me." I smiled. That was how Beca always located me. Or by yelling my name as loud as possible. I was one step closer to finding her. One step closer to how things were.

**Alex: Hey Chloe. Are you still in Ohio? Or are you back?**

**Me: No. I'm back. Why?**

**Alex: Wanna go out tonight? Nothing fancy.**

**Me: Sure.**

**Alex: Awesome. See you later baby. Love you.** 😘

**Me: You too.**

BECA

How is it this easy to disappear?   
  
  
  
  
  


CHLOE

"So you met Beca in Ohio?" I asked Jamie. He was a nice looking guy. Chiseled features, dark hair, and green eyes. He wore a button up and a maroon zip-up hoodie.

"Yeah. She didn't seem like she belonged there ya know?"

"Did you like talk to her? Did she tell you anything?"

He was texting through the entire time we had been talking. He slid his phone into his pocket before responding. "Sorry. Girlfriend. Anyway. We talked briefly. She asked me to send the letters. Something about not being able to go into the city?"

"So you're just a stranger to her?"

"Not entirely. We had met before. Her family and my family are acquainted through a mutual family friend the Hyatts."

"Can you maybe put me in contact with them? They might know something."

"Sure. I'll give you Cathy's number." I handed him my phone. "I really hope you find her."

"Thanks. I do too." I went back to the apartment. Aubrey was at school so there was nobody else there. I called the number Jamie gave me. After a few rings, Cathy picked up.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hi. Is this Cathy Hyatt?"

"Yeah. WHo are you?"

"I'm Chloe Beale. I'm a friend of Beca Mitchell. She went to Ohio about 2 months ago and basically disappeared."

"My god. You're looking for her?"

"Yeah. I was wondering if you had any idea where she might be?"

"There's a few places... are you sure she's still in Ohio?"

"I have no clue. I'll fly out in a few days?"

"Alright. I'll meet you at the airport and we can look for Beca."


	23. Clues

CHLOE

I flew out to Ohio. Cathy was there waiting with a sign that had my name on it. Cathy kind of looked like Beca. She had strawberry-blonde hair and had it tied back with a scarf. She even just at first glace was clearly an artistic person. We drove back to her family's house, she was staying with them for the summer. She was only a few months younger than Beca.

"So how do you know Beca?" Cathy asked.

"We met in college."

"Oh! You're Chloe! Like Bellas Chloe!" She smiled enthusiastically.

"Yeah. How'd you...?"

"Beca would spend her summers here with us. She talked all about the Bellas."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She loved telling us about all of Fat Amy's shenanigans, whatever you guys had done, and you."

"She told you about me?"

"Yeah. All the time." She led me upstairs. She opened the door to a bedroom. On the door was a large "B" that was dark purple and covered in black music notes. The room itself was the same purple. There were various posters of musicians on the walls, a mostly empty bookshelf, blackout curtains on the window, and a bed with black sheets shoved up against the wall.

"Is this...?"

"Beca's room? Yeah, it is. When things got rocky with her parents right after fifth grade she came and lived with us."

"Wow. I never knew she lived in Ohio..."

"She doesn't like to talk about it. She basically became part of the family. She was here from the summer before 6th grade till the summer before junior year. That's when she went to live closer to her dad."

"So this is middle school/half of high school Beca?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Wow."

"Feel free to look around the house. If you want to learn more about tween/early teen Beca you can go through her stuff. I don't think she'll mind."

"Okay. Thank you." Cathy nodded and left me in the room. There was a desk in the corner with an old desktop with 2 CD players plugged into it. There was a layer of dust on the keyboard. In the closet, there were some clothes and things. A few nice dresses that I guessed Beca had only ever worn once. There were also 3 boxes stacked on top of each other. I pulled the first one from the closet and set it on the floor. In it was a black pullover hoodie that was 2 sizes too big for Beca, a photo of her and a guy smiling in a cracked picture frame, a stuffed bear missing an eye, a necklace still in its box, and a ring. I realized this must of been a box of things from her past relationships. The next box was just full of papers. Old math homework that was incomplete, some old sheet music, and notes and things. The last box had a label. It read BECA'S KEEP OUT. I opened it anyway. There were journals and CDs in it mainly. That's when I saw a flash drive taped to a pack of cigarettes. I carefully grabbed it. The pack was missing 2 cigarettes. I went over to Beca's computer and set the flash drive on the desk. I brought the pack of cigarettes to Cathy.

"Did Beca smoke when she lived here?'

"No. I don't think she ever smoked."

"I know she started when things got bad with Jesse, she uses them as a stress reliever..."

"What do you think it means?"

"I think she was here. There was a flash drive attached to the pack."

"If she was here, she was here from something. She wouldn't have come just to put a box of cigarettes and a flash drive in a box."

"Do you think you could pinpoint if anything was missing?"

"Definitely." We went back to Beca's old room. Cathy looked around the room. "Her camping bag is gone." She pointed to a shelf in the closet. "We each had a bag that was always packed for camping. Dad like to just randomly take us to one of the cabins he got from his dad."

"Is it possible that she's there?"

"She might be at one of them yeah. Do you have any boots with you? Like hiking boots?"

"No, I don't..."

"That's okay. You can borrow a pair. I'll go get some. Change into something you won't mind if it got dirty. I'll go pack some hiking bags. Cathy said. I nodded and she left the room closing the door behind her. I went over to the computer and plugged in the flash drive. There were 3 folders on it. One with the name  _"For Theo",_ one named  _"For Family",_  and the last one named  _"For Chloe"_. I opened the one for me. In the folder, there was a video file and a few audio files. I clicked on one of the audios and pulled out a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt from my bag. The audio was of Beca singing. Clearly her working on a draft of a song.

"Fucked it up again I guess but then that's what I do. Told too many times that I should think my actions through..." she sighed. I closed my eyes to picture her. Sitting alone in a cabin somewhere in Ohio. Running her hands through her hair. I see her eyes. All the pain and hurt that is in them. The regret too. I wanted to hold her and tell her that I love her. I hear her grumble and end the recording.


	24. Into the Woods

CHLOE

After listening to the audio files, most of which were bits of songs, I clicked on the video. Beca was sitting in front of the camera. It was dark where she was. She smiled a little.

"Hey Chlo..." she started. She looked down at the floor. She was playing with the sleeves of the hoodie, my hoodie, that she was wearing. "I'm sorry. I got your messages. Jesus Christ. I fucked up. I'm really sorry Chloe. I just..." she sniffed. Beca doesn't cry. She must really feel terrible about this. She ran her hands through her hair. "I'm really sorry." She kissed the camera. That was where the video ended. After a minute I went to meet Cathy downstairs. She had 2 backpacks packed.

"There are some hiking boots over there," she said and pointed to a rack of shoes. I found a pair that fit and pulled them on. Cathy went and put our packs into her car. We drove to an area that was just all woods.

"You really think Beca is here?" I asked.

"This is only the first cabin. It's also in the dead center of the woods."

We got out and grabbed our backpacks. Cathy led and I followed. She led us to a small cabin. This definitely wasn't Beca's usual scene. There was one thing I noticed though. The cabin had a large window looking out into the forest.

"This isn't where she is."

"How do you know?"

"On the flash drive, there was a video for me. Wherever she is, it's dark." I pointed to the window, "That would make it nearly impossible for it to be that dark."

"Okay. So we move on. So it has to be a cabin that has the ability to be extremely dark."

"Yeah."

"Okay. That eliminates the ones by the lake, the ones Dad renovated, and the one that he rents out."

"Okay. how many cabins do we still have then?"

"Five."

"Five!?!"

Yeah. There's two a little north of here, one by the river, and three that are by a campground."

"Let's go to the ones that are north of here. There's no way she would risk being spotted by a camper, so we can rule out the ones by the campground."

"So if she's not at the two north of here, then she has to be at the one by the river."

"Or she's not even here..." I mumbled. I wanted to be my usual optimistic self. But it was so hard. I needed to find her. And fast.  _Maybe Aubrey was right. What if Cincinnati is a dead end? Don't think like that Chloe._

"You okay?" Cathy asked waving her hand in front of my face.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine. Sorry. Just spaced out for a second."

"That's okay. We better get going though." I nodded and Cathy started leading us deeper into the woods.

"So Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"What's Beca like nowadays?"

I smiled and laughed a little. "Moody as always. Brooding. She's doing okay though. Or at least she was until Jesse and she decided to take a break."

"Jesse is...?"

"Jesse is... was her boyfriend through college. They broke up and then got back together. They even were engaged."

"Was she in love with him?"

"Madly. But he wasn't good for her."

"How so?"

"He would get mad a lot. He's better now. After a... situation, he got his act together."

"Situation?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Beca ended up in a mental hospital a while back."

"What?!?" Cathy stopped abruptly causing me to run into her.

"Yeah. It was pretty bad. But she's okay now." Cathy nodded. The gleam that was in her eyes dimmed a little.

"You don't think she might've..."

"No. Beca wouldn't. I think she just needed some space and doesn't know how to come back from it."

"Okay." We approached the two cabins. They were on the smaller side and almost identical to each other. "So basically look for signs of life in them. Anything that might show us that Beca was here or where she might be." I nodded and she handed me a key. We both went to one of the cabins. I unlocked the door and opened it. I took a few steps in and looked around. There was a small couch, a coffee table, a fully fledged kitchen, a regular bathroom, and a small bedroom. There was no sign of Beca. I left the cabin as Cathy did the same.

"Any sign of Beca?" I asked Cathy. She shook her head. "Same here."

"What if she's not at the cabin by the river?"

"Then we keep looking for clues. I'm not giving up on her." We started the trek back to the car.


	25. Time

TRIGGER WARNING: Blood

 

 

CHLOE

We by the time we got back to the car it was starting to get dark. We started back to the house. When we got back Cathy's her parents had made dinner. We ate and then we went up to the rooms. We were going to leave pretty early the next morning. Cathy had explained how it was about a half hour drive but then about a two-hour walk to get to the cabin. But we were leaving early just to be safe. I went into Beca's room and smiled at the black sheets on the bed. I went over to the box that was full of journals and CDs. I picked up a CD with the label: June 23, 2013. This was from the summer after her freshman year at Barden. I put it into one of the CD players Beca had plugged into the computer. I hit play. It was a mix. Of course, it was. She had taken songs that we had sang and put them together. The next CD I listened to was the most recent one. It was from the summer after her junior year. Her voice flooded the room. I missed hearing her sing. I laid on the floor and just listened. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

**Aubrey: How's it going?**

**Me: No sign of her yet.**

**Aubrey: Learn anything though?**

**Me: All about middle school Beca. And past relationships. Beca never did her homework.**

**Aubrey: But is that really a surprise?**

**Me: No. It just made me smile.**

**Aubrey: You're staying with that family right?**

**Me: Yeah.**

**Aubrey: Well how are they?**

**Me: Nice.**

I really wasn't in the mood to keep talking to Aubrey. I just didn't want to be interrogated. I told her I was going to bed. I changed into some pajama shorts and a t-shirt. I pulled Beca's hoodie out. I climbed into the bed. I stared up at the ceiling. She had those little plastic stars that glow in the dark all over it. After what felt like hours, I fell asleep.

The next morning, Cathy's mom made breakfast and coffee. We ate, got changed, and then set out. Traffic was actually terrible. It was supposed to be a half hour drive from Amelia to Mount Orab. It ended up being an hour and a half. And we still had a two-hour walk ahead of us. When we finally got to Mount Orab, we got some food to take with us into the forest. Also some bug spray. We started our walk. It was beautiful here. If this is where Beca was that made a lot of sense. It was peaceful in the forest. A squirrel ran through the woods. It stopped and Looked at me and Cathy. It kind of winked at us. I laughed. Cathy looked at me.

"What's so funny?"

"Senior year at Barden we sang Who run the world as part of our set. During rehearsal, Beca slipped up and yelled "Squrriels" instead of "Girls". We made of her for ages. It just became something that we did."

Cathy smiled. "I mean Beca herself has always been a bit of a squirrel."

I smiled too. "You've got that right." After a little while of walking in silence, I started another conversation "So Cathy, tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me I guess. I'm not picky."

"Well. I've lived in Ohio my whole life. I moved to New York a year or so after graduating high school."

"That's actually awesome."

"I guess. Anyway. I haven't really booked any acting jobs. I spend every summer here."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. I'll make it someday." She smiled. As much as she and Beca looked the same they were completely different people. Beca was always dark and mysterious. Cathy was more of a brightly colored, open book. I could see why Beca and Cathy got along. Cathy was a dreamer. Beca was more logical. They balanced each other out.

"So you and Beca have known each other your whole lives?"

"Yeah. We basically grew up together."

"Wow."

"Yeah. In middle school, she almost became my actual sister."

"Really?"

"Yeah. My parents offered to adopt her. She declined. They did become her guardians for a while. Until she went to Georgia."

"That's-wow."

"Yeah." As we approached the cabin, I heard the flow of a river. If Beca was going to hide anywhere, she would be by some form of water. Cathy took a key out of her pocket. I noticed an old bike against the side of the cabin. Cathy unlocked the cabin. We entered. Inside was set up like the other cabins we saw the day before. There was however Beca's computer on the coffee table, her bag in the corner and grocery bags.

"She's been here," Cathy said.

"She'll be back."

"How do you know?"

"She left her computer." We decided to have Cathy wait inside and me outside. At least for the first bit. I walked around to the back of the cabin. I saw a trail of blood leading off into the woods. "Cathy!" I yelled running back inside. "I think Beca's hurt. There's a blood trail outside leading into the woods." We grabbed the flashlights from our bags. It was getting dark. We both took compasses and split up. I was frantic at this point. Beca could be hurt. Or worse. I wandered the woods looking high and low for Beca. I realized after a while that if she just saw a light she could be staying hidden so she isn't found by some random person.

"Beca!!" I yelled. No response. "BECA!!!" I yelled louder. I waited. And waited. And waited.

A faint voice in the distance yelled back. "Chloe..."


	26. Mine

BECA

I spent three months in and out of hospitals. Whether it was for pain or mental help. There was nothing keeping me in L.A. The love of my life was in New York. I moved in with Chloe and Aubrey. It was perfect. I felt stable. My mind was still all messed up from Jesse. Jamie was a short relationship. He was also toxic. Chloe and I were lying on our bed watching  _Midnight Sun._ As much as I didn't like movies, I liked watching them with Chloe. I found myself not watching the screen but watching her. Her baby blue eyes sparkling in the laptop light. She had a half smile on her lips. Those perfect lips. She turned to look at me.

"Beca? You okay?"

"You're perfect."

Her cheeks turned red with blush. "Bec..."

"What? I'm right."

She smiled and paused the movie. She put her forehead against mine. We locked eyes. I tried to read her. I never could read anyone. She put her hand on my cheek and pulled my face closer to her's. Her lips meeting mine. Her hand tangled in my hair. I felt her smile into the kiss. This was what I was missing. She pulled her lips away from mine. She had one of the largest smiles on her face.

"I love you," she said.

"I know."

She punched my arm. "You're terrible."

"But that's why you love meeee," I said leaning back onto the bed.

"Debatable."

She laughed and I snuggled into her side.

CHLOE

It was great having Beca with me. I loved her so much. Beca fell asleep and I laid there playing with her hair. She still didn't really sleep at night. So whenever she did sleep I took it as a miracle. Aubrey came home a little while later with dinner. She smiled at me at Beca.

"So are you guys a thing finally or...?"

"I mean we kissed."

"Finally."

"Shut up."

I got up out of the bed, earning a small unhappy groan from Beca who remained asleep. Aubrey set the burgers and fries in our respected spots. She knew all of our orders by heart.

"Veggie burger with double cheese, ketchup, and mustard for you. Regular cheeseburger, plain for Beca. And mine. Plus fries for all of us. I got us drinks too."

"You don't forget anything do you?"

"Nope. Doesn't Beca have that thing tomorrow?"

"What thing?"

"She has some meeting about music or something."

"I wouldn't know. She doesn't really discuss work." Beca woke up a little while later. "Hey. Sleeping Beauty." She glared at me. "Ah come on. There's food."

Beca sat on the counter. "You know we have chairs right?" Aubrey said.

"Yeah but this is more fun."

"You just live to annoy me huh?" Aubrey said earning a nod from Beca. "So are you guys finally a couple?"

"I mean...Beca?" I said turning my head to her. I wanted to be her girlfriend but only if Beca was ready.

BECA

"I mean yeah. Just can we keep it out of the media for now?" I asked. It wasn't that I was ashamed of being with a girl. It was more because of all the press that would be following me. I didn't want to put Chloe through all of that.

"Sure," she smiled. Her blue eyes shining.

"You hurt her-" Aubrey started. I cut her off.

"You really think I would? I know I have a shit track record but I'm not gonna hurt her."

"Jesus Beca. I was joking." Aubrey said. "Anyway. What's your meeting for tomorrow?"

"Oh. Uh. Just some stuff about moving where I'll be based and what the next steps considering I disappeared for a while."

"Fair enough."

After dinner, Chloe and Aubrey got ready for bed. I put on sweatpants and a tank top. I grabbed my laptop. Chloe set her hand on top of mine. "Try to sleep. Please?"

"Chlo..."

"Beca. Please."

"Fine. I'll try." I climbed into bed, setting my laptop on the nightstand.

"Thank you." She rolled onto her side. I stayed sitting up. This was a nightly thing. I'd wait till Chloe went to bed before going out onto the fire escape to work on music. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep. I kissed her cheek before getting out of bed. I grabbed a hoodie and went to work on my music. I had a melody in my head and for once, my head was clear enough to work it out. I knew exactly why I was able to think clearly. I could finally call Chloe mine. And that's all I had ever wanted.


	27. Secrets

CHLOE

When I got home after school Beca was face first on the bed. "How was the meeting?" She groaned in response. "Not great I take it?" I sat on the edge of the bed. She rolled over to look at the ceiling.

"I don't get it," she said.

"Don't get what?"

"They expect me to have new music for them."

"I mean you were gone for a really long time Bec."

"I know but it's crazy. I mean, Who disappears and actually works?"

"Beca. You do."

"Sometimes. But it's not like I had anything good to write about."

"What have you been working on at night?"

"Some new stuff. But it's so different from everything else I've done. I highly doubt anyone would actually like it."

"I think you'd be surprised by people." I pushed her legs off of the bed so she would be sitting up next to me. She ended up falling off the bed. "Come on. Let's do something."

"Can't. I'm dead."

"Becaaaa...."

"Deaaaaaaad."

I rolled my eyes. "Ice cream?"

I watched her eyes light up. She held her hand out to me. I pulled her up. Our faces only inches apart. I kissed her forehead. "Come on."

BECA

There was just meeting after meeting that week. It was mostly the same questions. I always gave the same answers. No, I don't have any new stuff. Yes, I'm sure. I get that you have a job to do. I really don't want to make a talk show appearance. There was a meeting that was different. It was a press meeting. It was about publicity. about my image in the media.

"We think that it's not a good idea for you to have your relationship out in public." Sarah one of my project manager said.

"Why? There's nothing wrong with my relationship. And if anyone has a problem with it they can go fuck themselves.

"Woah, easy there tiger." Luca, another press manager said. "We're not saying this because it's you and a girl. We're saying it because of media after your relationship with Jesse-"

"Which ended fine. It was mutual." I snapped.

"Even so, then there was Jamie-" Sarah started.

"He was a fling!" I threw my head back and spine in the office chair.

"Just think about it, okay tiger?" Luca said. Nobody remembered when or why he started calling me tiger. it just kind of stuck. after all my meetings I went back home. Chloe wouldn't be home for a while. I grabbed the pack of cigarettes my drawer. Curie hated when I did. I had told her I stopped but every now and then when things became too much ...

what are you doing?" Aubrey asked me shaking me for my thoughts.

CHLOE

When I got home Beca wasn't home yet. I blame all the meetings Theo put her in.. Aubrey was home though.

"Beca not home yet?" I asked her.

"She left a little while ago."

"Why?"

"She needed to figure something out."

I nodded and started cleaning up the apartment for a while. 3 hours later Becca still wasn't back yet. I check my phone. She would have text if she was going to be out late. I started to worry.

"what if she ran off again?" I asked.

"she wouldn't have. I promise."

"What if she did?"

"After what happened last time, she wouldn't."

I nodded. Becca hated what happened after her disappearance. she spent more time than she wanted hospitals. I did the last thing I wanted. I checked social media. Any sighting of Becca from that day. I scroll through everything I could find about Becca. A lot of it was old photos that people had found online. Then I found her. Well, really she found me. She appeared on the fire escape. She knocked on the window. I opened it. Spare hands on either side of my face and pushed our lips together into a kiss

After we broke apart she spoke, "Come out here. I want to talk to you." She took my hand and I followed her out onto the fire escape.

"Beca what's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to be better. I swear. I'm so sorry..."

I pulled her in for a hug. "Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for Beca. I love you."

"I know. That's why I'm sorry. No more secrets okay?"

"No more secrets."


	28. Still Hurting

BECA

I was falling apart. I stopped seeing a therapist. I became distant. Even to Chloe. We had a huge fight because of it.

"I have work to do," I told Chloe.

"You're always working. Please? It's just one night. That's all I'm asking. Just one night."

"I'm sorry." I felt numb.

"You're always sorry," Chloe mumbled. I bit my lip. "You use work as a way out of everything. You never have time for us anymore."

I cringed. Jesse used to say the same thing. "Next time. I promise."

"You said that last time Beca. I'm worried about you." Chloe wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "Why don't I just stay here with you?"

"No. Go have fun." She kissed the side of my head.

"Bec..."

"Please. Have enough fun for me too." I gave her a forced smile

She sighed. "I'll be back later."

"Okay."

Chloe left and I stayed working at the table. After another hour of work, I rubbed the back of my neck. My fingers brushed the scars on the nape of my neck making me shudder. I ran my hands through my hair.  _You should really go shower. But showering means seeing them. They're just scars. I don't care._ Changed into sweatpants and a hoodie. I was incredibly hot but all of my scars were hidden. I could shake the feeling that this relationship was going to end badly.  _She'll hurt you. Or worse you'll hurt her._  My head was so loud. It was so loud all the damn time. I felt so pathetic. What happened to Beca effing Michell? She's still hurting.

CHLOE

"No Beca Red?" Cynthia Rose yelled over the music of the club.

"Work!" I yelled back. I was glad Beca didn't go out with us that night. There were so many people. She might have had a panic attack.

"Damn that girl is always working!" C.R. said. The rest of our group, some of C.R.'s friends; some of Aubrey's friends; and whatever Bellas were in town, had left us at the bar while they went to the dance floor.

"Yeah. Can you blame her though? She was MIA for five months. She's trying her best to catch up."

Blair, a friend of Aubrey's came over then. "Hey a couple of us were going to go to a concert. You guys want to come?"

Cynthia Rose nodded eagerly. I shook my head. "I should get home."

Aubrey spoke up behind me placing her hand on my shoulder. "Beca will still be there when we get home. Come on Chloe, have some fun tonight."

"I really can't."

"It's no big deal," Blair said. "There will be other concerts."

I nodded. I hugged everyone goodbye and headed home. When I got home, I expected to see Beca still sitting at the table working on her laptop. But she wasn't. She was curled up in bed. There was sweat on her brow and her hair was wet. She was in sweatpants and a hoodie. Beca never wore both of those to bed. It was always sweatpants and a tank top, or shorts and a hoodie. I was so concerned. I knew she was still hurting from everything that happened but I didn't think it would ever get like this.

BECA

I was up at 2 A.M. It was terrible. I quickly scribbled out a note for Chloe. " _Headed to the studio. Text me if you need me."_  I grabbed some clothes, a hoodie and a pair of jeans, and went into the bathroom to change. I looked at Chloe asleep in our bed. I ran a hand through my hair, my fingers getting caught on a tangle. I sighed and pulled on a pair of converse. I stopped at a small coffee house and got the largest coffee they had. I got to the studio at around 3. I put on my headphones and hit the play button on what I recorded the day before. Put my head in my hands and just listened. I wasn't proud of this track. I guess I had drifted off because I woke to a gentle shaking of my shoulder.

"Hey." Chloe's gentle voice said.

"Hey..." I said groggily.

"Can we talk?"

"Course. What's up?" I reached for my coffee, took a sip and nearly gagged on it. I have always hated cold black coffee.

Chloe smiled. "Come on let's go get breakfast?"

I smiled in return. "Absolutely."

We went to a small diner down the street from the studio. We were seated almost immediately. Chloe ordered some sickly sweet pancakes and a hot chocolate. I got a plate of eggs and bacon. I also got a hot black coffee.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked. 


	29. Holding On

CHLOE

Beca started to get better. And then things got worse. I was making dinner one night, Beca was working on a track. Her phone started ringing. "Fuuuuuuuuck..." she said.

"Who is it?"

"My dad. I'll be right back." She went out into the hallway. Aubrey was visiting her family for the weekend so it was just me and Beca. I finished up making dinner. After a while, Beca came back into the apartment. Her eyes were red and her cheeks had dried tears on them.

"Beca? Baby? What's wrong?" I pulled her into a hug. She started to sob. I just held her.

She pulled away after a while. "I...I have to go." She grabbed a suitcase and started mindlessly throwing clothes into it.

"Beca..." I set my hand on her shoulder. She brought a shirt up to her face and bawled into it. "Shhhhh." I climbed onto the bed where she was kneeling. I rubbed her back. "What's going on?" 

"I...I can't..." she said.

"It's ok." I pulled her into a hug. "You're okay."

"I...uh...I have to go... I don't know for how long...."

"Bec..."

"I'm not disappearing again. I promise. I just...." She started to cry again.

"Hey. It's okay. Let me help you pack so you can get a plane ticket?"

Beca nodded. She pulled out her laptop. I put a bunch of clothes into her suitcase. I made sure to add one of my hoodies for her in it.

"Ok, so I'm catching a red-eye out of here..."

"Okay. Be safe. I love you." I wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed her forehead.

BECA

_This is why you never should have left. She told me to go._ I sat in my seat on the plane, my head against the window. It was a 2-ish-hour flight from New York to Atlanta. I never should have left. The plane touched down and I was racing through everything. I got a rental car and drove to the hospital mom was at. When I finally got to her room I saw my dad sitting in one of the chairs. The lights were off and there was no bed. No bed, no mom, just my dad, and darkness.

"Dad?"

"Hey, Becs." He said standing up. He straightened his tie and brushed imaginary dust off of his blazer.

"Where's Mom?"

"Surgery."

"Okay...I...I should go call Chloe. Tell her I landed..."

"Okay. I'll come find you if anything happens."

I nodded and left the room. I looked at Chloe's contact in my phone for what felt like an eternity. How do you tell the girl you love that you landed safely when you feel like your flying miles above the ground? How do you tell her that everything is okay when you're falling apart? How do you tell her that everything is going to be fine when you don't know what happened or how it's going to be fixed. I didn't call Chloe. Not right then. Dad came over to me a little while later.

"Hey, Beca. Your Mom's awake. She's asking for you."

I nodded and headed back to her room. The hallway felt never-ending. Like I was walking to my own doom. The lights were still off. I stood just outside the door. I closed my eyes, took a breath and took the step.

CHLOE

_She should have landed by now. It's Beca, she probably just got caught up doing something. Right?_ I paced around the apartment. Whatever was going on it was clearly really important to her. I had never seen her like that. She was holding on by a thread. I called Amy. She knew Beca the best.

"What's up Chlo?" Amy said when she picked up.

"You know like everything about Beca right?"

"Well not everything but yeah. Why?"

"So she got a call from her dad and started crying. Like sobbing crying."

"Oy..."

"Yeah. So I was wondering if you had any idea what might have happened to make her that way?"

"I mean maybe. Why don't you just ask Beca?"

"She's not here. After her dad called she got a plane ticket and caught a red-eye."

"Mmk. If her dad called it was probably a family thing. Both her parents live in Atlanta."

"Okay, so she's probably there?" My phone started ringing telling me that I was getting another call. It was Beca. "Sorry, Amy gotta go. It's Beca." I hung up on Amy and answered Beca's call.

"Hey..." She said. She sounded beat.

"Hey. You ok?"

"I...I'm hanging in there. Will you come here?"

"Of course lovely. Hold on." I pulled out my laptop and booked a flight. "I'll be there tomorrow morning. I love you." 


	30. So Long, Farewell

TRIGGER WARNING: Minor character death

 

 

BECA

I went to the airport the next morning to pick up Chloe. She wore a pair of black, knee-high boots; a light brown sweater with the sleeves rolled to her elbow; and a pair of dark wash skinny jeans that hugged her in all the right places. I walked towards her wordlessly. She saw me and we made our way to each other. She wrapped her arms around me. She put her hand on the back of my head. "You came," I said.

"Of course I did," Chloe responded. I knew there were people taking pictures but I no longer cared. She came. "We should go Bec."

I grabbed her suitcase and took her hand. "Let's go." I would definitely be hearing from Sarah and Luca, but I no longer cared. The only thing I cared about was what I was going to have to do. We dropped her stuff off at the hotel. Chloe looked at me.

"Can you fill me in yet?" she asked.

I sat on the bed next to her. The hotel room only had one bed. "My mom was in an accident. She uh. She's not doing too well..."

"Oh, Bec..." She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. She grabbed my hand with the other. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. The doctors say she'll be okay."

"But are you okay?" I put my head on her chest.

"I am now that you're here."

"Bec..."

"Seriously. I missed you. I...I didn't want to go through any of this alone..."

"Beca. You're never alone."

"I know." I took a breath. "Let's go see my mom."

Chloe and I went to the hospital. I brought her into mom's room. Mom was sitting in her bed. Dad wasn't there at that moment in time. "Hey," I said sitting in a chair by her bed. Chloe did the same. Mom was in rough shape but Chloe didn't seem fazed by it. We sat and talked for a while. Chloe ended up having to step out of the room to answer a phone call.

"She's a very good friend, flying out here because you asked her." Mom said.

I smiled. "Yeah, she's the best."

"She's a very good best friend to have. You too are very good for each other."

"She's the best thing that ever happened to me, mom."

"I'm glad you have a friend like her."

"Girlfriend," I said without blinking an eye.

"Girlfriend?" Mom questioned.

"I uh...yeah. Chloe's my girlfriend. I wanted to tell you. I just didn't know how you would respond, but I realized that I needed to tell you...I'm sorry."

"Oh Beca, honey. You have nothing to be sorry for. You love who you love. And there's nothing wrong with that. Are you happy?"

"Now more than ever."

"That's all that matters to me You're happiness is all that matters."

"I love you, mom."

"I love you too, Beca. Now. You take that girlfriend of yours and go get some sleep. Or don't that's your decision. Maybe take her to dinner. Go to Barden and share a moment. Reminisce. Go be happy. Now that the weight of telling me is off of you."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you took Beca."

CHLOE

Beca took me to a restaurant just off of Barden's campus. "Do you wanna go wander around the campus? Dad swiped me the keys." Beca held up a key ring with what seemed like a billion keys on it.

"Sure. We could go see the Bellas house." She took my hand in hers as we walked.

"I told my mom about us." She said after a long silence.

"Yeah? How'd she take it?"

"She's really supportive. She really likes you by the way."

I smiled. "That's good."

"Yeah." Beca smiled and put her head on my bicep. "I like this."

"I like this too. I wish we could do this more."

"Why don't we?" Beca said picking her head up.

"Because we don't want you to have any more bad press."

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

I looked at Beca. "Did you seriously just quote a movie at me?"

"Maybe. What you gonna do about it?"

"Oh, nothing...just..." I did the childish thing and licked my hand before pressing it to her cheek.

"Gross!!" Beca yelled pulling her hand away from mine. "What the hell dude!" She picked up some mud and tossed it in my direction.

"You seriously want to go?"

"Bring it," Beca said smiling. It was refreshing seeing her so happy. So relaxed. We started throwing mud and twigs at each other. Once we were thoroughly muddied, We decided to head back to the hotel. We showered up and got into bed. "Thank you. For everything." Beca said. I kissed her forehead.

"Anytime." I turned off the lamp and it wasn't much later till both of us were asleep.

At about 2 A.M. I woke up. Beca wasn't in the bed. It wasn't unusual for her to be up this early but normally she still lays in bed. I heard crying. Beca was sitting on the edge of the bed. "Beca? Are you okay?" I didn't get a response. I moved so I could hold her. "Bec...?"

"She's gone..."

"W-what...?"

"My mom...she... she had an aneurysm. She's dead..."

"Beca..." I set my hand on hers. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's all my fault."

"No, no its not. There's nothing that you could have done."

"I should have been there!!!" Beca yelled.

"Beca...please..." I placed a hand on her shoulder. She jerked herself away from me.

"Don't touch me!" she snapped. I bit my lip. I knew she didn't mean to be mad. I looked into her eyes. I saw hatred. Not directed towards me but at herself. She was blaming herself. Holding herself responsible. She needed time. Time to heal. Time to say goodbye.

"I get it..."

"You couldn't possibly," she muttered. "I'm going out. I'll be back later." She grabbed the first hoodie she could find and threw it on.

"Hey, Beca?"

"What!?!" She snapped.

"Just uh... make good choices..." I saw a flash of a smile but it was covered by a grimace almost instantly. Beca walked out the door. Wearing my hoodie. 


End file.
